Destroyed Remains
by csi-kris
Summary: A devious plan to ruin Catherine's life comes in full circle. It starts with nasty gossip that leads into something much worse. Is not only Catherine's career at stake here? Possible pairings! Friendships! Even has Lady Heather... Please R
1. Chapter 1

She sat with her head bowed as a tear trickled down her right cheek. She sat motionless watching as the liquid hit the concrete with a soft tap. "Catherine…I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to hurt you," Grissom whispered as he watched on in agony. He knew he hurt the one person he never thought possible. He watched as Nick and Greg headed inside the lab with their heads down as they passed by quickly. It was obvious to any bystander that there was trouble in paradise because Catherine rarely cried.

He squatted down in front of her, and sighed as she turned away from him. "Just…go. Grissom go." Her voice was shaky with emotion as the tears continued to stream down her reddened face silently. His hand without thought reached for a golden strand of her hair, and tucked it behind her ear which caused her body to turn rigid. "Don't…" her voice was now more forceful as she abruptly stood, and turned from him.

"Cath, we should talk about this." He once again whispered as he gently touched her shoulder. She turned around on him immediately as she shrugged off his touch. "No…we don't need to talk about this. We're through Grissom. I'm done with this. I'm done with you," Catherine emotionally growled as her finger hit the broad of his chest.

"Don't be like this," Grissom responded in frustration as he grabbed her right arm. He watched as her face reddened deeper as she scowled at him. She forcibly pushed him from her as she bellowed at him. "You have the nerve to tell me how to act? Who all knows about this Grissom?" Catherine could feel the heat that radiated from her face as she emotionally stared at him.

He stared quietly at her knowing the silence would speak for him. She angrily shook her head at him as the tears filled her eyes. "Tell me," she demanded through tears. "Cath…," he whispered as his own eyes filled with moisture.

"TELL ME."

"Just Brass and the team. That's it I swear." He swallowed hard as he witnessed her head tilt to the side as her mouth opened in obvious hurt. Her chin quivered as she tried to fight the emotions that were getting the best of her.

She lost the battle as she walked away from him. She slowly turned around before she walked back in. "I guess the girlfriend is always the last one to find out." Grissom remained standing where he was as he looked down at the concrete as he rubbed at his forehead in palpable defeat.

* * *

She thought she would have a moment to mull over the fact that her past finally caught up with her future in the worst way possible. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she heard his voice. "Cath, don't you think you are overreacting?" Grissom voiced as he caught up to her in the hallway. She scoffed at him as she rolled her watery eyes.

"Right, I'm overreacting when you just placed me on suspension until further notice," she bellowed as she walked purposely to the locker room.

"It's a corporate policy I had no choice," Grissom tried to reason with her. "My hands are tied Cath."

"Cut the crap Gil. You threw me into a ring with the lions because you don't have the balls to stand up for me," she screamed as she threw open her locker door. The sound of metal banging filled the thick air. She quickly yanked her personal items free, and hurled them in a bag.

"Catherine, the allegations against you are serious at least politically they are. I'm sorry," he whispered as he placed his hand on her back.

"How come you haven't asked me if they are true? You already think I'm guilty don't you?" Her face tensed as her cold blue eyes looked into his blue depths.

He turned silent for the second time tonight. She angrily shook her head as she let out a disbelieving laugh. "GO…TO… HELL. I thought you knew me better than that. Those allegations against me are misleading if not misconstrued."

"So you didn't sleep with him then?" The sound of his own voice shocked him especially after her reaction. Her vibrant eyes widened in shock before they narrowed with a look of disdain. A look he never would have imagined to come from her that was aimed directly at him.

"Ass…," she hissed as she stood a mere inch from his face. "Screw… you…," she growled as she walked out of the room.

* * *

"You think those allegations regarding Catherine are true?" Sara asked Nick as she shot him a side ways look. Part of her hoped the accusations against her were true. Something or anything to make Nick realize that Catherine was not the woman for him!

Why did Catherine have to be so lucky in love, when she found herself struggling with life in general? But that was how life went; it rarely went according to plan for her at least. Catherine was with Grissom in every way possible, and Nick secretly pawned after Catherine. How was that fair?

"I hope not for Cath's sake. She's in a big mess, and I know she was a different person when…" Nick stopped as he cleared his throat.

"She danced for a living." Sara stared at Nick in amazement before she rolled her eyes at his response. "A big mess? Is that what you call it? She slept with him to basically advance herself in her career," she carried on as she studied the crime scene photos of the case they were currently working on. "If you ask me, she'd be lucky to come back to a job."

"Well, I didn't ask you," Nick said in frustration. "What is it with women anyhow? I mean Sara you of all people should be standing behind her. We both know those accusations are a bunch of crap. She worked hard to get where she was, and you have the nerve to hit her when she's down? Unbelievable," Nick whispered as he shook his head in annoyance.

"So you think they are false then?" Sara asked as she stared at him.

"I don't know. But, I do know she did not get to where she is by sleeping around. That's against everything she is as a person." Nick pondered over his thoughts before he continued. "I mean why did he wait so long to report this… that was like ten years ago?"

Sara took in a deep breath as she looked down. "I agree why the wait," she found herself asking reluctantly. "So…who's working her case?" She knew Grissom would be considered a conflict of interest along with the others. "Ecklie, he's working her case."


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

It did not help that the weather was dreary which only heightened her ill mood. She threw open her front door, and shook her head in utter annoyance at Grissom standing on her door step. "What a surprise," her words were short and clipped as she spoke.

"I understand that you are pissed at me. I get it, but seriously…" his reasoning was cut short by her interrupted ranting.

"YOU…damn you. You don't understand shit," she screamed as she got into his personal space. "YOU…You never even once considered the thought that it was a lie," she continued as she pushed his chest to create distance. "You automatically assumed it was true. SCREW YOU Grissom. I think you should just leave. GET the HELL out of my face," she growled as she continued to push him out of her front door.

"Cath…come on. I don't think it's true. Honestly, I did not know what to think. The police commissioner has filed this suit against you."

"McKean can kiss my ass."

"Cath…he's claiming he's already done that. Seriously, you should watch what you say." Her face dropped at his mere mention of the accusations aimed at her. She looked away from him as she moistened her lips.

Grissom opened his mouth in shock as he continued to stare at her. "You did sleep with him. Didn't you?"

"Are you working my case?" Catherine suddenly asked as she gave him his final push out of her door.

He tilted his head sideways as he took in her random question. "No," he answered in bewilderment as his eyes met her cold stare.

"That's what I thought," she said coldly as she slammed her front door separating herself from the man she thought she had loved for years.

* * *

She sat in the sweltering heat of her car as she stared through her windshield at the entrance to the back lab door. Catherine bit at her lip as she watched Warrick walk in laughing at a comment Nick had made. What if things turned sourer, and she was not allowed to come back and work here? She sighed as she opened her car door, and uneasily made her entrance into the lab, but it felt wrong. In a sense she felt as if she no longer belonged as she headed down to Ecklie's office. Ecklie of all people. Would he seriously have her back if needed? She doubted it.

"Catherine," his voice was soft and gentle as she passed his office. She continued to walk by not wanting to give Grissom a fluttering thought. She hastily turned in his direction the moment he grabbed her arm. "What are you doing here?" He asked calmly even though he noticed that her cheeks turned a brighter red with fury.

"She's here to see me, Gil." Conrad Ecklie spoke suddenly from the door way of his office. He gave Grissom a mocking smile as Catherine pulled her arm free, and walked into Ecklie's office. "Whatever Ecklie…just clear her. We both know she doesn't deserve this."

"Mmm…it seems your staff needs better direction. Maybe Catherine isn't the issue at hand." And with that Ecklie shut his door leaving Grissom literally hanging with an open mouth.

He walked across his thresh hold of his massive office, and rounded upon his desk as he took a seat. He opened Catherine's case file as his stare pondered on Catherine. He loved the fact that she was sitting on the other side of his desk. Powerless. Not to mention the sight of her was calming to the eye as his gaze left her face, and traveled to her chest which was fully covered. Of course his action did not go unnoticed as she cleared her throat.

"Right, so…shall we just get to the heart of the allegations aimed at you?" Catherine stared at him as she swiped her bang away from her eyes. Her mouth was slightly open in puzzlement as her eyes squinted at Ecklie's odd behavior. His cocky smile sent a small shiver down her back as she smiled back just as cocky.

He waited for her response, and obviously failed to get one so he continued on. "What happened between you and the police commissioner?"

Catherine moistened her lips before she spoke. "Uhhh…Ecklie I think that is all outlined in the case file for you."

"Catherine… I think we both know what I'm asking you? And it's not in the case file!" He willed his eyes to remain on her face as the desire grew to stare elsewhere. Just how far would this woman go to boost her career?

"What are you asking me then?" Catherine's posture stiffened as she sat more up-right in her chair.

"Did you sleep with McKean?"

She simply stared back at Ecklie even though she knew where his train of thought was going; she was still caught off guard. Her hand shakily reached up and rubbed her temple. "What…DO you think?" She found herself suddenly asking.

"Catherine… it's not a matter of what I think. It's a matter of what actually happened. McKean says you slept with him to get a job when you first started, and then you slept with him recently to get promoted as a supervisor."

Catherine nearly popped out of her chair at the full accusation. Grissom had failed to tell her all of it. "What? He said I slept with him recently? WHAT a sack of sh," Catherine angrily started before she was interrupted.

"So are you admitting to sleeping with him the first time?"

"WHAT?" Catherine growled at Ecklie. "No, I did not admit to a damn thing."

* * *

By the time she got home it was a little past eight at night, and every muscle in her body ached. She poured herself a small glass of wine as she waited for the hot water to fill her garden shaped tub.

Catherine slowly eased into the water's warm embrace as she took in the taste of her sweet red wine. Sighing as the heat eased the knots in her back; she could not help but feel dejected. Her eyes fluttered shut as the heat from her bath radiated to her flushed cheeks. She knew it boiled down to the simple fact that 'Men were Snakes.' Her life as a dancer was the person she was in her past. Not the person she was today, yet she was being subjected to her old self all over again.

The night in question. That night so long ago that Ecklie desperately wanted uncovered and displayed was so foggy.

_Grissom had wondered into the club with a new friend or one she had never met before as her dance had ended. She was high on cocaine and mixed drinks as she stumbled out to meet them at Grissom's normal table. The table he always sat at as he waited for her as he took in the sight of the latest dancer on the floor. The rule was Grissom could never watch Catherine. Eddie, her husband would not have it. _

_Grissom stood as she approached his table as she swatted at the hands that grabbed at her upper thighs. Her gold strapped purse hung loosely on her bony shoulder as she managed her way through the groveling men. The moment she wobbled on unsteady feet he grabbed a hold of her firmly. "Catherine, you are high?" Grissom whispered in his surprised yet disapproving voice. _

"_Ummm…yeah well Eddie gave me a line before work. We fought…," she stopped briefly as she gave him her best sultry smile. "Then we made up in more ways than one if you know what I mean. Sex is amazzzing while you are high."_

"_Shut up…stop it," Grissom whispered as he shook her slightly. Her blue eyes widened in alarm before they narrowed in confusion. "Dammit Cath…don't you want to get out of this line of work? The man that is with me is your ticket in." _

_Mouth opening in obvious amusement; she could not help herself as she giggled out loud. "Gil…I don't do lap dances for friends either. Seriously…between you and…," she was cut off as Grissom pulled her away from the table. _

"_Did you just go through SCHOOL for nothing?" Grissom voice was soft, but his tone was insulting. _

_This seemed to get her attention as she glared up into his steel blue eyes. "What the hell Gil," she growled as she yanked her arm free. _

"_Don't screw this up! Damn him for getting you high when he knew. Eddie knew I was bringing McKean with me tonight because I told him."_

"_WHAT? That's McKean?" Catherine screamed as she shoved Gil lightly on the chest. "You brought him to a strip club, not to mention the one that I STRIP in?" Her hands lightly touched her temples as she suddenly turned sober as her head began to pound. _

"_HEY…it was McKean's idea." Catherine's mouth opened in apparent shock as her tongue glazed her upper lip. _


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

_She quickly stepped out of her silver high heel shoes as she entered the dressing room. Catherine moaned inwardly as she rubbed the ball of her right foot. _

"_That was a nice performance!" _

_Her head swung around in alarm at the sound of his voice. Mouth agape, she stared directly at the police commissioner as she slowly stood up straight. This was a complete surprise for her. She had met him a week ago, and he told her that he would call her in for an interview. But, she had never heard from him…well until now. "McKean," she started as her lips pursed together. "Uhhh…is this really appropriate?" _

_He stepped closer to her as he smiled at her. "I won't tell if you won't," he whispered as his hands pushed her hair from her face. She was used to men touching her and wanting more from her. "You would of course make a beautiful CSI," he continued on as his finger trailed down her arm. She swallowed hard as she watched in amazement as his lips landed on hers. She pulled away as she gave him a smile. "I don't work that way Co-mish. Are you going to give me that interview or not?" _

_He chuckled to himself as he tugged on his belt buckle. "That my dear all depends on you," he whispered as he gestured to the sofa. "Take this…it will help you relax." She looked down towards her hand as she witnessed him placing a pill in her hand. "Consider this sort of like…your first interview." He winked at her as he pushed her hand towards her mouth. "That's good," he whispered into her ear as she placed the pill on her tongue. _

She awoke with a start as her hand shot forward knocking her glass of wine to the floor. The water now was unbearably cool as she sat upright. Her face distorted in frustration at her sudden memory as she yanked her robe from the hook above the tub. She quickly stood, and wrapped herself in the soft fabric.

She turned to leave the bathroom and stopped abruptly as the scream stuck in her throat. She clutched her chest with her right hand as she slowly managed to breathe. "Dammit it Gil. What the hell?"

"Sorry, I knocked and knocked. I knew you were home, and I got worried. So I used the spare key." Grissom talked softly as he walked towards her.

"Give it back." She demanded as her face remained set in stone.

"What?" He looked obviously confused.

"The KEY…Grissom. Give it back to me."

"Cath…come on don't do this."

"Do what? Gil…did you tell Ecklie that you introduced me to McKean at a strip club?" She asked as she tilted her head waiting for his answer.

"No, Cath…seriously. He doesn't need to know that."

"NO…Grissom then I'm not the one DOING THIS. You are. You don't think Ecklie needs to know your involvement. Am I right? Boy is this rich," she growled as she shook her head.

"Cath…where is this all coming from? He came to your club once. Maybe I had a lapse of judgment to bring him there, but nothing happened. Why make things looks worse than what they are?" He asked as he lightly touched her face.

She swatted his hand away as she turned from him. "Try twice." Her voice so soft; she was not sure if he had heard her.

"Twice? He asked in confusion as he walked towards her. He was now standing directly behind her as he stared at the golden hues of the back of her head. "Cath…what do you mean by twice?"

"McKean came to the club twice. Once without you."

Grissom could not help himself as he grabbed her arm turning her around. "He visited you without me?" His jaw was twitching at her news. It was obvious that he was not taking it too well as his stare turned hot.

"Yes, he came by a week later after you introduced us. He was waiting for me in the dressing room. I walked in, and was alarmed to find him there." She licked her upper lip in nervousness as she watched Grissom as he sat down on her bed.

"Why didn't you tell me this? WHY…," he demanded as a certain thought came to his mind. "You slept with him?"

She stared at him as her eyes filled with tears. "I…I don't know. Can we just drop this?" She found herself asking as she walked away from him.

"NO we can't DROP this! YOU…You don't know? You don't recall if you took your clothes off and slept with the police commissioner?" Grissom angrily asked as he scoffed at her choice of words.

She turned on him with anger now replaced in her eyes. "Don't you dare belittle me! You don't get that RIGHT. What did you expect would happen, Gil? You think he wanted to meet me in a strip club to have a drink while he got to know me? That's a bunch of bull and you know IT! I did what I HAD to do," she suddenly stopped her growl as she realized she was now crying. "I said I don't know…because I don't remember what happened."

"I can tell you what happened…You SCREWED him to further your career, Catherine. That doesn't make you any better than a prostitute."

Her hand flew in full speed before it landed on the right side of his face. He turned at her with his hands clenched in fists. "YOU…you think your so much better. The PERFECT one…the one that does NO wrong," she laughed bitterly in his face with her eyes still glassy with tears. "You think Eddie would agree with that? Uhh…What do you think Eddie thinks of you? As I recall you slept with your BEST FRIEND'S wife."

* * *

"Shut the door," Ecklie demanded as McKean came in. "She really hasn't told me anything pertaining to you. Which is actually smart in her case. She has remained nothing but professional," Ecklie said with a hint of frustration.

"So…this is still scandalous on her part. As far as I'm concerned, she needs to be fired," McKean whispered to Ecklie as he laid the palms of his hands down on his desk. "I want her out of here. Do I make myself clear?"

Ecklie chuckled under his breathe. "That is kind of hard when there is no proof. She's not admitting to anything. Do you have any proof of your sexual encounter with her on either occasion?"

"No…that's your job," McKean beckoned as he grabbed his jacket off the chair before he turned to leave. "Oh…and Ecklie…however you go about getting the proof--May it be propositioning her yourself…or whatever it may be. If you fail to get it...I will find someone to replace you that will do it." Ecklie watched in amazement as the police commissioner left as he played with the pen in his hand. Did he just threaten me too? "Bastard…no worries you will get your proof," Ecklie whispered more to himself as he grabbed his own coat, and headed out of his office.

* * *

"I can't believe you belittled my feelings towards you. Eddie wasn't worth you, and all he did for you was bring you down," Grissom shouted as he firmly grabbed at her arms. "Damn it Cath…I love you." Emotions getting the better of him, his right hand swirled upward getting lost in her golden locks as his mouth plunged downward seeking entrance into her mouth.

That was when he felt her break emotionally as he continued to kiss her as she cried. "I am so in…love with you Catherine," he stammered as he pulled her into a tight embrace. She managed to hit at his chest as she sobbed harder. "No…Let me go," she cried on. "You…you…don't," she choked as she tried to get her words out. "Be-lieve in me." Her voice so small as she continued to cry.

"I do believe in you," Grissom whispered as he stroked her arms. "Cath, you were a different person back then. We all make mistakes. I mean I wish you would have been honest with me, and just told me that you slept with him," his smile faltered when he saw the look on her face.

"Out," she whispered trying to stay calm as she shoved him away. Her chin quivered as her tears threatened to spill once again. "Cath…come on, I didn't mean it like that!" His hand reached out to touch her face, but she quickly stepped out of reach. "I think…you should go. Just GO!" The hurt and the betrayal she felt from Grissom suddenly felt overpowering as she turned away from him. The thought of looking at him was sickening, and if felt as if she had no one else to turn to. The idea of fighting this fight alone was overwhelming and scary as hell.

"Cath…please," Grissom whispered as he placed his hand on her shoulder. He felt her body shake from his touch before she flinched away.

She closed her eyes as she swayed briefly as she softly hummed to herself. Her world as she knew it was now unglued, and she slowly felt her sanity going with it. She could no longer make out the words Grissom was saying to her, but she immediately felt as he pushed at her shoulder to turn her around. "NO…No," she whined as she quickly dove for her purse causing it to fall from the chair as its contents spilled onto the floor. She nearly threw herself on the floor as she frantically searched for her cell phone. Flipping it open, she hit a familiar number all to well. "I need...," she barely managed as she started crying all over again. "Come get…Grissom…PLEASE," she sobbed as she shut her phone without saying goodbye.

Grissom stared at the woman in front of him who was obviously having some sort of melt down. "Cath…who was that?" He found himself asking as he dropped down to her level on the ground. "Go…go...go…GO," was all she mumbled to herself. He slowly stood as he looked at her. He looked around the room suddenly feeling wrong for invading her space or maybe he had pushed her to hard. What did she say earlier he found himself wondering? Right, she could not remember if she slept with McKean. Why? Was she telling the truth or was she trying to hide something? His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by someone pounding on her front door.

"Cath…Grissom?" Nick worriedly screamed through the front door. "Someone let me in please…I'm worried." He continued to pound until he heard the door click open.

Nick walked slowly into the house as the door squeaked further open. He stared at Grissom who looked beside himself. "She's not making any sense, and I have tried calming her down. I…," Grissom stopped as he rubbed his hands through his hair. "She makes things so damn difficult, and all I want to do is clear her." Nick watched in amazement as his own boss seemed almost ready to give up on her.

"Grissom she sounded very upset on the phone. I think she just needs someone to…" Nick started before Grissom interrupted him.

"She doesn't need me at the moment. It seems all I do is upset her," he stops short as he shook his head lightly as he scoffed. "She says she doesn't remember if she slept with him, and I'm pissed off at her lack of remembrance. How fair is that? I honestly can't deal with her past now, it's a good thing she called you. I have some serious thinking to do," and with that Grissom grabbed his car keys and headed out the door. Stopping suddenly with his hand on her door knob, Grissom did not turn back as he spoke to Nick. "Just look out for her because she's going to need it." Then he was gone.

Nick slowly turned towards the living room which was barely lit with any light. Did that really just happen? Did Grissom walk out on Catherine? No way…he had to be dreaming. He swallowed hard as he saw the sight of her. Sitting on the floor with her legs under her, she looked so lost. Vulnerable was a word he rarely was able to link to her. Her golden hair framed her delicate face as the tears threatened to spill down her soft cheeks.

Walking quietly over to her, Nick gently sat down in front of her as he lightly touched her shoulder. The last thing he expected was for her to talk. For her to acknowledge any of the events that took place in her foyer only moments ago. "He's really gone?" Her questioning voice so soft it barely registered to him at first. She chuckled as a tear fell down her smooth face. "That is what I thought I wanted. He doesn't believe me, and now that my life is falling apart he walks away."

Nick sat motionless as he watched her chin quiver with desperate emotion. He was about to try and say something to comfort her, but she spoke up before he had a chance. "Running away is what men do best."

"Cath…I'm not about to analyze Grissom. I wouldn't know where to begin, but I'm sure he loves you."

"I don't want to talk about him," she muttered as she looked away.

"Okay, then why don't you tell me why you can't remember if you slept with McKean or not?"

This seemed to get her attention immediately as her blue gaze quickly met his concerned darker one. She opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it as she suddenly looked away. "I'm surprise you asked this considering that Grissom never did." Her throat felt immensely dry as she swallowed a huge lump.

Something inside him told him that what she was about to say wasn't going to be good. What she was about to say most likely would not sit too well with him. It usually was not a good sign when a woman could not remember an intimate act, and Nick was shocked that Grissom did not pick up on this. Catherine remained quiet as she looked at Nick wondering if opening up was even worth the challenge. She looked down and somehow managed to focus on a black string that happened to unravel on the bottom of her shirt. She clenched her eyes shut as the memories of that night tried to flood their way in.

"Cath…please tell me." It did not seem that she really needed the coaxing as she took in a deep breath before she spoke.

"I met McKean when I worked at the French Palace. Grissom actually introduced me," she stopped as she shook her head briefly. "Anyways, I had just finished my schooling, and Grissom was trying to get me a job. McKean wanted to meet me on my turf so to speak. We met, and well I didn't hear from him until the following week when he showed up at my work alone. He was waiting for me in the dressing room, and I was caught off guard that he was there," she stopped as she took in a shaky breath before she continued.

"He was there for only one reason, and it was to proposition me for an interview. I told him that I didn't work that way, but he was pretty persistent. He then gave me some sort of drug, and I don't remember anything after that."

Nick remained speechless for a moment until he rubbed at his neck. Man was this bad. Very bad. This sounded very sinister, and not necessarily on Catherine's part. "Well…do you remember waking up or…anything like that?"

She looked up at him before she quickly looked away. "Nick…I…no!" She cleared her throat before she continued. "Look…it, well it was a very long time ago. Is it cold in here?"

Her sudden change of topic only intensified his feeling that she was hiding something. He could not help but notice as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms in a sense to comfort herself. For some reason he had a feeling she remembered more, but was keeping it quiet.


	4. Chapter 4

~~~Chapter 4~~~

Time seemed to fly by slowly as she approached her second week of suspension. Her house was in immaculate condition when usually clothes were thrown about or dirty dishes were left over in the sink. She was in the middle of sweeping an already clean kitchen floor when the shrill ringing of her telephone caused her to jump.

"Hello," her voice sounded questioning. Her brows furrowed when she recognized his voice. Ecklie. Great.

"Catherine, its Ecklie. Look, I think we should meet and go over your statement. Honestly it doesn't look good, and well…," he stopped purposely hoping the hanging tension over the line would get the best of her.

She shook her head in disbelief. This could not be happening this way. What the hell was McKean after and why was he bringing something up from so long ago to drag his own name as well as hers through the mud. That was when it clicked for her as her lips pursed together in fury.

"Frankly, Ecklie…I think you look at this the only way you know how too. All I can say is McKean wouldn't want me to open my mouth." The line went unbelievably quiet that she thought Ecklie had hung up. "Ecklie?"

She heard him clear his throat before he spoke up slowly. "Why…why is that? What does McKean have to hide?" He chuckled lightly at the sudden position he found himself in. He was supposed to help railroad her out of the lab, yet for some reason it seemed Catherine had a few cards in her hand that could be very damaging. Or was she bluffing? He didn't know, and honestly he did not want to find out. "Why don't you talk to me about everything that happened between the two of you?"

"I don't think so. If I talk…and that is a big IF…I will only talk to Brass. The way I look at it now, you can't do anything to me. You can't fire me. In fact, I want to be taken off suspension now. This has gone on long enough," she growled in the phone.

"Catherine…I'm sorry but that's not possible. I can't take you off of…" he stopped suddenly as she interrupted him.

"Really? It sounds to me this accusation sounds bad on both parties involved. Why is one being punished while the other one isn't? Don't force my hand Ecklie. You know I will file suit." He closed his eyes at her statement. He knew her too well, and Catherine was capable of anything. Hell, she was the daughter of Sam Braun. That alone should be terrifying enough. "Fine…you can come back tomorrow, but you report to me in the meantime."

"Whatever. See you tomorrow, but Ecklie…I'm still working nights," and with that she hung up the phone.

Not expecting her response, he could not help but listen to a dead dial tone. He slowly hung up his phone as he swallowed hard. McKean was not going to like this, and his wrath was better than her winning a discrimination/sexual harassment lawsuit. He ran his hands through his thinning hair at his last thought. _Holy shit...my world just turned sourer._

* * *

Reporting back to work was a lot easier than she expected, and she contributed it to the fact that Nick picked her up from her house. The ride to the lab was quiet, and the tension seemed to grow in the pit of her stomach as the acid churned causing her to feel nauseated. However, it was his comment to her as they approached the lab door that eased much of the tension that continued to stir through her.

"Cath…," Nick started as he placed both of his hands on the tops of her shoulders. "You are the same person regardless of what is going on. You worked hard to get where you are so don't let this eat at you. We've all missed you." She could not help but smile at him as she pulled him into a tight embrace. "Thanks, Nicky…," she whispered as the smell of his musky cologne drifted into her nose. Moistening her lips, she quickly pulled apart as she realized the closeness she just shared with him. It wasn't necessarily the closeness that alarmed her, but her desire to want it that filled her with slight panic. "I…should go…," she stopped suddenly shifting uncomfortably as her feelings started to get the best of her. "…Check in with Ecklie. I will see you later."

Nick watched her until she rounded the hallway as she approached Ecklie's office. He took in a deep breath as he lightly tapped his chest with his fingers. "Damn…," he whispered as he slowly shook his head. He had felt the same connection that she had, but he was far from being afraid of it. He strolled to the locker room unmissed to his surrounding as he whispered to himself. "If I have to wait-then I wait."

He gently placed his items in his locker as his head spun at the thought of her. Maybe the thought of waiting for her was crazy to most, but to him he was more than willing to wait if he was able to claim the love he always wanted and cherished. Things were in fact difficult at the moment because she was still with Grissom. Or were they even an item? Catherine never mentioned Grissom, and he never pressed her for answers regarding Grissom. The time they had spent together these past two weeks were nothing but amazing to him, and his feelings for her only intensified. The desire to kiss her grew so strong that he found himself kissing her temple instead just to get a small taste of what could possibly come. His thoughts were quickly cut short as Warrick entered the same room and patted Nick's back. "What up man?"

"Nothing…just getting ready for the day ahead of us. Uhh…you know Catherine is back today? I think we should do our best to support her."

"Sure… no problem. Where is she now?" Warrick asked as he shoved a spare change of clothes in his locker.

"Checking in with Ecklie I think." Nick said lightly.

"Ecklie? She's got it rough then. Maybe we can all meet up for breakfast afterwards," Warrick said as they both exited the locker room and made their way to the break room.

"Yeah…maybe," Nick commented as his mind went elsewhere as he watched Grissom head to the same location that they were going. He noticed that he seemed bothered though or maybe it was just the brisk walk he carried on down the hallway instead of his calm pace.

* * *

"Glad everyone could make it on time," Grissom started as he stared at his staff. "Looks like we have a busy night and it's a good thing that Catherine is back." He stopped as the silence in the room seemed deafening.

"Is she back for good Griss?" This question popped up suddenly from Greg who poured himself a cup of coffee. "Honestly, she got the shaft in my opinion. She's always been a hard worker for as long as I've know her, and I stand behind her 100 percent."

Grissom let out a small breath as he looked towards the door knowing Catherine would be walking in any moment after Ecklie finished grilling her. He blew Greg's comment off because he was in a rush to say what he needed to his team. "Catherine has been demoted. She's now just a CSI level 3. Even though she has her level 3 status, she is forbidden to work alone. She will always be paired with someone. Her role as supervisor has been taken away, and even though technically she will be working with us she will be reporting directly to Ecklie. I realize this all seems harsh, but it's out of my hands. This wasn't my decision," he stopped briefly again as he looked at the door before he turned his attention to Greg. "She's going to need our support because she won't take this lightly at all."

It seemed everyone remained quiet from the shock of what Grissom just informed them about. Nick's jaw tensed as his anger grew from the absurdity of what the LVPD was putting her through. Or should he say McKean. She was a damn good CSI, and losing her would affect the whole team and the lab for that matter.

"Griss…this is ridiculous. She hasn't been found guilty of anything," Warrick spoke harshly as he shook his head in frustration.

"I know…trust me I agree, but unfortunately I can't control anything from here. It's literally out of my hands." Grissom's response was cut short as the break room door flew open as Catherine entered.

She took a deep breath from the tension filled silence as she looked at Grissom. Her cheeks flushed red with anger as she spoke. "I guess you informed them of my demotion. So who am I working with tonight?"

* * *

Grissom remained quiet as he stared at her. Catherine was the essence of beauty, and it terrified him that she was slowly slipping from him. Was she slowly slipping away from him to land into someone else's arms? His jaw flexed as he turned his attention to Nick. She had in fact called Nick for help to make him leave her house. Nick had also brought her to work today. Did they honestly think that went by unnoticed? He was partly angry with himself for making it so easy for them.

"Well…," Catherine growled out as she remained standing there waiting for an answer.

Grissom cleared his throat as he stared at Catherine. "You are working with Sara tonight. A DB in an apartment complex," he said sternly as he handed the slip to Sara. "Sara you initial off on everything. You're the lead on this case." He realized then that his actions were probably unjustified but his anger was getting the best of him. The air turned chilly as Catherine left the room obviously not too pleased.

Warrick, you are working with Greg tonight. Another DB on the strip," Grissom stopped as he turned and looked at Nick. "You're with me."

* * *

"At least you get to work out on the field," Sara said as she stopped at a red light. They had been in the Denali for nearly twenty minutes of awkward silence.

Catherine went rigid at her choice of words. Shaking her head frustratingly, she stared out the window mumbling to herself.

"What?" Sara asked as she looked over at her co-worker.

"You already have found me guilty in your head," Catherine spat out loud. "Un-BE-Lievable," she growled on as she angrily shook her head.

"Cath…I, don't…," Sara started before she was quickly interrupted.

"BULL…don't give me that shit. Don't play coy with me Sara. Don't try to reel in what you already started just because you don't like the fact that you pissed me off. You made it sound like I'm LUCKY to be able to work as IF I have DONE something wrong."

Sara stared at Catherine incredulously not knowing what to say to calm her down. "I'm…."

"What do you want me to say," Catherine went on not realizing that Sara was trying to apologize. "You want me to say that I went down on the commissioner? You want me to say that I'm the one to blame for all of this mess? That all I care about is me and my career, and SCREW anyone that gets in the way of it?"

Sara's mouth opened in obvious shock at Catherine's outburst. Normally she would be offended, but one look at Catherine and for the first time she saw the raw anguish she was holding in and hiding from everyone. She was suffering, and Sara was not sure exactly what part of this got the best of her. Within seconds she witnessed Catherine's angry explosive comments to her melt down as she fell apart.

The guilt washed over Sara as she realized a big part of her naturally assumed she was far from innocent. She was always the noticed one, and Sara always contributed it to Catherine's sex pot ways. But that was not fair; Sara realized that she let her jealously think the worst of her.

"Cath I'm…sorry. Maybe I was judging you without realizing it," Sara whispered as she pulled up to the crime scene.

"Whatever. I'll take the perimeter," and with that Catherine was gone leaving Sara in the vehicle alone.

* * *

Sara quickly grabbed her kit and jogged up to Brass when she noticed Catherine start on the perimeter. Two officers, Sampson and Pettler approached them as she began to ask Brass a few questions. "Who called it in?" Sara asked first as she took out her small notepad.

"The apartment manager found her in her apartment when he went to collect his rent money. She was two weeks late. He knew her car was in her assigned spot so he went in after he pounded on the door for awhile. Can you imagine the surprise he got?"

Sara raised her eyebrows at Brass's comment, but then his two police officers caught her attention as they were ogling over something. She looked in their direction, and noticed Catherine was bent down casting a shoe impression. She was wearing her usual black tank top, and Sara knew immediately what they were impressed with. Her cleavage. "Hey," she shouted a bit loudly which caused Catherine to immediately straighten up as if she was once again doing something wrong.

"I'm just casting a shoe imprint," Catherine retorted as she slowly stood. Sara stood on in confusion as she witnessed her co-worker's lack of confidence.

"Keep doing what you are doing…I was…just trying to get their attention," she gestured to the officer's with her thumb as she smiled at Catherine. Catherine stared at her briefly before she got back to work.

"You nearly messed that one up Sidle," one of the Officer's joked on as Catherine held his attention again. "Excuse…ME?"

Brass watched on in confusion with what he just missed until Sampson spoke up. "Hey…she gets around. I'm just looking. I can't necessarily help further her career but I'd sure try."

"WHAT? What did you just say?" Brass suddenly beat Sara to the punch.

"Come on Cap…you can't really expect us to have respect for that," he motioned his hand at Catherine who was oblivious to what was going on.

"I can…and I do. Give me your badge and gun," Brass snarled as he held out his hand.

"You're kidding right?"

"No…I'm dead serious. You don't talk that way about anyone especially on the job. You're on suspension until further notice."

Sampson angrily jerked his gun from his holster after he yanked at his badge. "Where's your loyalty Cap? McKean won't like this," he growled as he slammed both items in Brass's hands and walked off. Brass turned to Officer Pettler who had remained quiet through out the whole ordeal. "Do I need your badge and gun too or are we understanding one another."

"Understood sir. I'll finish up with this statement, and then head off and take the next call."

"Good to know." He sighed to himself as he turned his attention back to Sara. "Sorry you had to witness that."

"Me too…Look, I'm going to start on the inside of the apartment." Brass watched as Sara strode off and stopped as she briefly stopped next to Catherine as she gently touched her shoulder. They shared a few words and smiled at each other before Sara was lost in the inside of the apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

~~Chapter 5~~

"Grissom, what case do we have?" Nick asked as he followed his boss to his office in confusion.

"We don't Nicky. Just paperwork."

"Paper work? I'm all caught up."

"What exactly is going on with you and Catherine?"

"What?" Nick asked hesitantly.

"Well, she called you to get rid of me. You brought her into work today, and I'm just curious to know if something is going on between the two of you that I should know about?"

Nick opened his mouth in shock as he slowly shook his head. "Grissom, you told me to look after her, and now you're giving me the third degree?" Nick questioned as a small surge of guilt filled his stomach. Truth was he wanted more than a friendship with her but he was not about to admit that to his boss, who was supposedly dating her.

"So that's it? You're just looking out for her best interest?"

"Yes…, she's a good friend of mine. I care about what happens to her," Nick stopped as he tilted his head in slight agitation. "Grissom, I'm confused here. You know that Catherine and I have always been close."

Grissom sighed as he took off his wired framed glasses. "Sorry Nick. This whole ordeal is getting to me, and I feel as though I've failed her somehow. I can't even concentrate on work because I know the potential that all of this has to become very ugly."

"Right…well have you tried to think how hard this is for her? Come on Grissom…you walked out on her, and told me to look out for her. Do you even love her?" Nick shifted uncomfortably as he waited for what he feared to hear, but he knew he needed to hear it.

"I screwed up…" Grissom paused as he fumbled for a velvet black box in his drawer, and slowly pulled it out. "I was planning on proposing to her before all this went down."

Nick could not talk at first as he stared at the box wishing he never asked. "Your...you're going to propose to her? Wow…I didn't realize that things had gotten this serious between the two of you. Congratulations!" He did his best to sound happy for them; even though, happiness was the farthest thing he felt at that moment. He cursed his vivid mind as images of Grissom making love to Catherine flashed through his head.

"Yeah well don't say anything. I want this to be a surprise. But to answer your previous question… Yes, Nick…I do love her."

* * *

Catherine watched as Brass drove off in his squad car which left Sara and her with Officer Pettler. She looked over at him, and he seemed preoccupied with finishing his report.

She kept her flash light aimed at the grounds near the house looking for anything that looked bothered. So far everything looked normal and the only disturbance she found was earlier which was towards the front of the house. Shutting her kit after finishing the back yard, Catherine heard a noise and she quickly turned around only to be forced up to the side of the house harshly.

Her eyes grew wide in panic as the air left her lungs from the sudden impact. Her mind went wild thinking that the suspect came back to the scene as she started to shout to alert the others. "Suspect…on loc…" she was immediately interrupted as a strong hand covered her mouth.

"You've been warned. YOU better follow McKean's statement against you or you'll be sorry."

Her breathing turned more labored as she realized that it was Officer Pettler that had a strong hold on her. "Go to Hell," she barely managed through clenched teeth as she fought desperately to free herself.

"That is exactly where I plan on putting you," he whispered as he grabbed roughly at her breasts and ripped at her shirt before roughly pushed her away and on the ground. Within seconds, Sara had rounded the corner to the side of the house, breathing hard and standing with her gun pointed forward.

"Ms. Willows are you okay?" Officer Pettler asked with false concern as he ran towards the back side of the house. He turned briefly to Sara and motioned for her to follow him. "He ran this way."

"Cath you okay?"

Sara watched as Catherine seemed to shake her head before she followed Pettler towards the back of the house. They were back minutes later, replacing their gun in their holsters because their search had turned up empty. Sara rounded upon Catherine who remained open mouthed on the ground.

"That looks like one angry gash," Pettler whispered as he crouched beside Catherine and touched her face. She immediately flinched away from his touch as she backed slowly away. "He must have been hiding in the neighbor's yard. Are you sure you're okay?" He asked again as he smiled at her menacingly as he lightly touched her leg. "It's a good thing I was close enough to hear the struggle, and prevented him from possibly raping you or something."

Catherine could not speak as the fear panged at her heart. This guy was crazy, and she realized that it was now basically her word against his if she pointed a finger in his direction. Then how would that look? She'd now have two cases against her that dealt with something sexual. Not to mention she read between the lines, and knew he was quietly threatening her in front of Sara without being obvious. She blinked back the tears that were forming as she realized the mess she was currently in.

"Cath…do you remember what he looked like?" Sara asked as she kneeled down next to her. She looked up and stared at Sara for a moment before she shook her head no.

"Come on, let's collect the evidence off of you, and you…can put on a jumper suit," Sara said as she managed to help Catherine up. They walked back to the Denali, and Sara handed her a blue jumper. "How did you get the cut on your face? Did he have a weapon of some sort? " Sara asked as she quickly swabbed it.

Catherine absent mindedly touched her face and winced. "Tree branch."

"A tree branch?" Sara questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, he pushed me. I fell backwards, and my face hit the low lying tree branch."

Sara stared at Catherine for a moment trying to take in everything as Catherine got dressed and placed the evidence in the bag. "I was just finishing up with the inside of the house when I heard you scream suspect on location. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, can we just…get this over with and then head out?"

"Are you done with the perimeter?"

"Yeah…I was just about to close my kit when…" Catherine stopped as she shut her eyes briefly. "I'm done. I can help you inside."

* * *

Catherine felt like she was in a daze as she followed Sara back into the house. Chin quivering as a silent tear fell down her cheek, she gently but quickly wiped it away as an unpleasant after thought. She nearly screamed when she felt someone grab her arm from behind yet again.

"Hey Sara, I'm going to get Catherine's statement. It should only take a moment, and then she's all yours." Catherine glared at Officer Pettler as he pulled her outside, and out of ear shot from Sara.

"This is your statement," he growled as he shoved his clip board with the description of her attack into her hands. She looked down refusing to show her emotions as she read on in shock at the false claim that was presented to her.

_Date of offense-- September 30, 2007_

_Name of Respondent-Catherine Willows_

_Officer-- Pettler_

_Time of attack-- 3:30 am_

_Location--2nd Ward of Las Vegas (Casa Playa Apartments)_

_Witnesses-None_

_Offense--Attempted sexual assault_

_Details of offense-- Black male suspect in his late 30s, bald with tattoos tattering all over his well muscled physique. Victim didn't get a good look at the face because it was dark. Suspect pushed victim down into the grass, and proceeded to attack her by forcefully tearing at her shirt while he straddle her. All clothing and evidence has been placed in evidence bags by CSI Sidle, who is handling the case. _

Catherine's hands shook as he handed her a pen. "I need you to sign this stating that you agree with everything mentioned above. Otherwise perhaps the perp in question will be back to finish off the job." She watched as he smiled wickedly at her as he nodded at the paper.

Where her new found courage came from, Catherine was not sure because on the inside she felt incredibly weak and terrified. It was nothing more than a whisper, but it was something. "I'm not signing anything." She took a small step away as she watched the anger invade his face as his jaw muscles flexed uncontrollably.

She could smell his after shave as he forced her up against his squad car that still had its dancing lights that splayed multiple colors of red, blue, and yellow across his face. "You will sign," his voice remained in control but was laced with ferocity.

"No…I won't sign anything that is of a false account."

"Is that so," he questioned as his fingers traced the small opening of the jumper around her neck. He felt her swallow, and smiled the knowing smile of getting at someone. "You better wizen up."

"You better step away from me."

He laughed dejectedly at her as he popped his gum in her ear. "Or what princess? What are you going to do to me? I'm the one with the Big gun."

She knew all too well what he was referring to since she was carrying too, and he was not referring to his weapon. Keeping her cool was the only thing she knew would get the best of him. "Are you aware of the Rampart Casino?" She watched as his eyes slowly registered shock mixed with confusion. "I know a bit off topic, but what is something that Old Las Vegas and the Rampart have in common? Well amongst other things too?"

"How do you know about the Rampart Casino?" He asked roughly as he grabbed her arm tighter while shoving her more painfully into the outside of the vehicle.

She held in her wince as she realized she now had the upper hand on him. He obviously had no clue that Sam was her father, and was worried about something else. That something else most likely dealt with some sort of debt. "Nothing. I know nothing, but there is something you should know. Don't mess with me," and with that she yanked her arm free and headed back to the house to help Sara finish processing. "Oh and…I think I will keep this," Catherine smirked as she pulled the copy of the false report from the clipboard, and tossed the board just short enough to fall right before his feet.

* * *

The drive back to the lab felt long and tiring, and Catherine kept quiet about what happened to her with Pettler. She could not concentrate on the case at hand, and feared that she might just royally screw up her first case back on the job. She noticed the few stares that Sara threw in her direction, but Catherine somehow managed to hold everything together.

"I need to call Lindsey. I will get back with you shortly," Catherine whispered as she climbed out of the Denali when they arrived at the lab.

"Sure no problem. But first, I called in someone to take photos of you if needed."

Catherine's eyes widened as she stared at Sara. "No… no that's not necessary. Sara… please I'm fine."

"It's procedure Catherine. Besides you don't look fine."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Catherine asked defenselessly as she pulled open the door to the lab? She leaned towards Sara as she whispered. "Don't turn this into something that it's not."

"I'm not," Sara proclaimed as she grabbed Catherine's arm. "It's just going to be a few snaps of the camera, and a comb through of your hair. I already scrapped under your nails."

"You aren't going to FIND anything, because NOTHING happened."

"I know this is overwhelming and you're scared," Sara started before Catherine quickly interrupted her.

"No, I'm not," Catherine uttered quickly.

"Good, then this should be quick and painless."

"I'm… I'm not doing this!" Catherine could feel the heat as it settled on her face.

"YES you are," Sara responded just as stubbornly as she got in Catherine's face. "By protocol you will do this. It puts the lab at risk if you don't." Sara leaned around Catherine and opened a door. She lightly pushed Catherine into the private room as she smiled at the other woman in the room with them.

"Thanks for coming Ellen," Sara said as she pushed Catherine more into the room before she pulled the door shut behind them. "You don't know how much you are helping us out. Or me really. Catherine this is Doctor Jeffers from the Desert Palms Hospital."

"No problem," Ellen whispered as she opened her kit. "Catherine Willows is it?"

Catherine crossed her arms in front of her as she glared at Sara. Her blood was boiling at being placed in this position. "Yes," she finally replied as she walked away from them.

"Sara called me in because you were attacked at a crime scene."

"Attempted," Catherine whispered as she turned and walked back to them. "Sara didn't see anything."

"It looks like it got physical to me," Ellen responded as she focused on Catherine's cheek. "Am I right?"

"It's really nothing. I don't think this is necessary."

"He ripped at her shirt, and she was on the ground when I found her," Sara immediately barked. "By protocol she really needs to be checked out."

"And, she will be. I'm just trying to get a feel for what happened."

"Look, he came at me, grabbed at my shirt, and shoved me to the ground. I thought he was going to… well, I didn't know what he was going to do to me. But, then he stopped just as quickly as it all started."

Ellen grabbed a pair of gloves out of her kit and immediately put them on. Catherine watched on as she unfolded a white cloth and laid it down on the floor before her. "I need you to stand on this after you take off your socks and shoes."

Catherine reluctantly did what was asked as she slowly undid her shoes and took them off with her socks falling pursuit right behind them. She then took her place on the white paper like she was asked.

"Now, can you lower your jumper to your waist? I am going to be taking pictures of any type of scrapes, cuts or bruises."

The blonde's CSI mouth opened as she looked away. She didn't want to be subjected to being treated like a helpless victim. She already felt helpless enough as it was. She swallowed hard as her hand reached up to the buttons on her jumper.

Even though she wasn't raped, she felt like she was being violated all over again as she undid one button. Her hands slightly shaky continued to unbutton the rest of the jumper. Her eyes remained focused straight ahead at nothing in particular as she pulled her arms out of the jumper. She briefly closed her eyes as the fabric fell to her waist.

Catherine could feel Sara's eyes on her back as Ellen delicately stepped forward with her camera positioned to snap photographs. "Just a few more Ms. Willows. I know this is the last thing you want to do, but it could wind up benefiting you as well."

Catherine focused on the sound that the camera made as it snapped repeated pictures of her body. She felt like an open book as she remained motionless standing in front of a camera taking nearly nude photos of her. She wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to let her emotions get the best of her.

"I need you to pull down your bra on the right side."

Catherine did as instructed as her chin quivered slightly. She refused to look down because she didn't want to see what was being photographed. She just wanted this odd exposure to end. This felt worse than dancing naked on a stage with a bunch of leering looks from men that wanted nothing more than to screw her.

She closed her eyes again as she heard the wail of the camera as it took more pictures. Pictures of a very personal nature. Pictures of her body. What was worse was that Sara was in here witnessing all of it.

"Now please remove your bra completely."

Catherine tensed at this comment. She knew it was coming, but part of her hoped to get out of it. Why did this feel more of a violation than what she used to do as a living? She told herself over and over again that this was only clinical.

Her arms reached around herself and unclasped her undergarment. The item fell to the floor as Catherine turned immeasurably hot. Ellen glanced at her briefly before walking around her body to her back.

Catherine heard Sara scuffle with an apology as the doctor rounded upon Catherine. Again Catherine heard the twirl of the little machine in Ellen's hand as it captured repeated pictures of her backside. The camera stopped making noise, and Catherine could hear the ticking from the clock in the room as the minutes seemed to feel like hours.

The doctor leaned down and picked up the undergarment handing it to Catherine. "You may put this back on before you remove the rest of the jumper and underwear.

Time seemed to go by slowly as Catherine stood still barely wearing anything. The doctor noticed a few spots on her her hip and legs and photographed them. Catherine watched on in silence as Ellen put down the camera and picked up a comb from her kit. "Almost done here. This is the last of it."

By now Catherine felt completely numb and pretty much didn't feel the comb being used upon the top of her head. She was a bit caught off guard as the doctor handed her the jumpsuit and underwear she was wearing. She barely uttered thanks.

"Sara why don't I talk to you outside for a moment while Ms. Willows gets dressed."

"Sure," Sara whispered as they both walked out giving Catherine some privacy.

Her body shook as she heard the door shut, isolating her into the small room by herself. She quickly got dressed as her emotions bubbled to the surface. Her hands immediately covered her face as she let out a few sobs. Part of her wondered why she was crying because the procedure wasn't that bad, but perhaps it was making the whole situation more real to her.

She quickly dried her tears as new ones passed down her cheeks. She worked on putting on her socks and shoes trying for any sort of distraction.

* * *

"What do you think Ellen?"

"I think she acts like a victim. That's what I think, but everyone reacts differently," Ellen paused as she looked at Sara. "I'd say she took a hard fall, it's obvious from the discoloration on her hip area.

"Ok," Sara responded as she waited for the doctor to continue.

"There is a mean bruise along the top of her right breast near her bra. I bet she was grabbed their harshly, but without her confirming anything I don't think there is much you can do here Sara."

"I know, I don't understand that. I don't understand why she isn't being more helpful."

"Maybe she's scared."

Sara looked at Ellen as she released a frustrated sigh. "Anything else I should know?"

"Other than the biggies mentioned before… She has a few small scrapes along her left side, and a few bruises lingering her body.

"Thanks Ellen, I really appreciate this."

"Seriously, no problem. I'm going to leave everything I collected with you so that you can process it."

"Yes, that would be best," Sara whispered as she pushed open the door. She took one look at Catherine and knew she had cracked. Her face was blotchy as well as her neck.

"I'm assuming we are finished," Catherine whispered as she breezed by them. "I really need to call Lindsey now." And with that she was gone.

"I know she knows about these," the doctor whispered as she handed out a card to Sara. "But, you still might want to offer this to her just in case she needs to reach out to someone."

Sara gave the doctor a soft smile before she watched Ellen leave the room. Pulling the door shut behind her, she headed to the break room for a refill of something to help her think. She needed her coffee.

* * *

She couldn't get out of there fast enough as she rounded upon the door to the locker room. She had no intension of calling her daughter, but just needed a reason to be alone. That cop was obviously out for blood which meant he knew about McKean. Which meant only one thing-McKean was talking. And, now Sara was mixed into all of this by ordering her to be examined. What the hell was she thinking to cooperate with it?

She opened her locker, and stared at her reflection in her small mirror. The gash along her right cheek was deep, and looked nasty. Taking her eyes away from her own reflection, she quickly rummaged through her locker for a spare set of clothes. She found a black v-neck shirt, and a pair of dark denim jeans. Quickly undoing the jumper after she stepped out of her black sneakers, she hastily threw it aside as she grabbed her shirt. She was about to put the shirt on over her head, when the bruising above her bra caught her eye. Mouth opening at the sight, she quickly shut her locker door so she no longer had to see the marks that he left on her.

Stepping into her jeans, she winced as she pulled them up over her hips. Her right back hip was protesting loudly, and she realized she must have bruised that as well when he pushed her aggressively to the ground. "Cat…, hey how's your day going?" She quickly turned as she jumped at Nick's sudden voice.

"Nicky…uhhh it's been…" she stopped as she felt the floodgates loosening. She could not lose it in front of him. Not him of all people. "Fine," she barely managed as her throat started to restrict with emotion.

"That tough already? I noticed that you came in wearing a jumpsuit. Did you have to surf through garbage or something?"

Catherine smiled at him in hopes to keep her emotions in check. "You…you could say that."

"Well do you need any help or anything? Grissom has me on paperwork and I'm already caught up. I've sort of been doing nothing, and it is driving me crazy."

"Well…Nicky…you know I'm not the lead. You need to ask Sara. I'm sure she wouldn't mind your help," Catherine said as she took a seat on the bench and put her sneakers back on.

"Woa…when did that happen?" Nick asked as he ran his hand over her right cheek.

Her face deepened a new degree of red as she stuttered over her words. "I…today…at the…scene…fell." Catherine closed her eyes in further embarrassment as her words made no sense. "I fell while processing the scene, and caught a tree branch."

"You had a fight with a tree? Did it get away?"

She shoved him as she stood up smirking. "Cute… real cute." His banter was slowly easing the tension that was building within her. His jovial side was replaced with seriousness as he grabbed the first aid kit. "That cut looks mean."

"Nick…I'm fine. Seriously! I don't need any of that." Catherine's protest was wasted as his hand gently cupped her chin while the other one applied some antibiotic ointment. She could feel his sweet breath on the side of her face, and her chest fluttered as she took in a quick swallow.

Feeling unsteady, her hand gingerly covered his in an attempt to help balance her. His eyes met hers, and she found herself willing him to move his lips toward hers. Licking her lips in anticipation, her heart was beating out of control as she stood by witnessing his lips moving closer. Something snapped, and she quickly pulled away. "I can't…I'm sorry," she whispered as she looked away just as quickly.

"No…I'm sorry. That was wrong of me."

"Nick…please don't. Don't make this complicated. You wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss you. The timing is wrong. Not you."

"If it was only that simple, but it's not. I can't get enough of you. I want to be around you all the time. I'd even just take friendship if that was all it amounted too," he whispered as he pushed her hair from her face.

She was speechless as both his hands captured her face. She closed her eyes as the desire to give in returned more than ever.

"Tell me to stop Cat. Don't tell me you can't. Tell me to stop."

"I can't tell you to stop," she whispered as her chin quivered. "Please don't do this now? I'm not ready for this. I don't even know where I am with Grissom."

The drop of his name-Grissom's name made him slowly pull away. Nick clenched his eyes tight before he slowly opened them. "I understand. You let me know when you are ready," was all Nick managed before he kissed her lightly on the forehead and left the room.

She watched him go and a big part of her wanted to run after him, and tell him how she truly felt. She was no longer in love with Grissom, but she was not one to pick up new puzzle pieces before the old pieces were placed where they belonged.


	6. Chapter 6

**I wanted to thank each and everyone for reviewing this fic! I wasn't sure if it was good because it really is one of my first works besides Revolving Darkness. **

**El Gringo Loco, I wanted to thank you for your reviews because you have actually made me realize that certain things needed to be added to this story. In fact, most of Chapter 5 was added just recently! Everything else was written like 2 years ago.**

**WendySam… I'm so glad that you are really enjoying this fiction. It puts a smile on my face that I have somehow accomplished to make this story intense. I want it to be intense. About revolving darkness… I'm not sure when I will finish that story partly because I didn't like where it was going. But please keep up with the reviews I love them! ******

**Freebird and spottedhorse…heheheh I like catnip myself. Please keep reading… I can't say that this ship will happen, but its fun seeing the possibility.**

**CSIFantast thanks for the kind review. I'm glad you are enjoying the fic too and that you like the drama.**

**YoblingDramioneLover- I love Brass too! He is a great support for Catherine! Thanks for the kind reviews.**

**Please keep up the reviews, and enjoy the next chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 6

Nick needed to get away and fast before he lost it in front of her. She was everything that he ever wanted, and the possibility of that dream not coming true was too much too bear. Hell, Grissom had an engagement ring picked out; and he was literally trying to tempt her in a different direction because the thought of losing her was insufferable. He rounded into the nearest men's bathroom to sort through his thoughts as he splashed warm water on his face. Thoughts of their conversations from moments ago filled his head in agonizing waves.

"_I can't…I'm sorry," she whispered with a face flushed with desire. He noticed the guilty expression on her face as she quickly looked away. _

"_Tell me to stop Cat. Don't tell me you can't. Tell me to stop." _

"_I can't tell you to stop," her voice was barely a whisper as he witnessed her glassy eyes full of emotion. "Please don't do this now? I'm not ready for this. I don't even know where I am with Grissom."_

He had to know if she felt the same way or more importantly he wanted to know why she stopped him in the first place. Better yet, he needed to know that she desperately wanted it just as much as he did. Now he felt guilty because he manipulated her to say what he so desperately wanted to hear. She was holding back because of Grissom, and not because she did not feel anything for him.

He turned the water off before he grabbed some paper towels and dried his face off. He needed work. Something to take his mind off of everything or namely Catherine. He sighed as he rounded the corner and nearly collided with Sara. "Hey…sorry about that, but actually I was looking for you?"

"Yeah…what do you need? I'm a bit busy. Our crime scene sort of turned into two crimes in one."

"Why…what happened?" Nick asked as he raised an eyebrow as they strode down the hallway to Sara's lab.

"I'm surprised you don't know. I notified Brass and Grissom, and I thought you and Griss were working together tonight?"

"Oh well we aren't really working together. He placed me on paperwork tonight."

"Bummer deal. Well, Catherine was attacked at the crime scene. It seemed rather personal which I find odd."

"What? What happened?" Nick asked as he grabbed her arm forcing her to look at him.

"She was finishing up the perimeter, and I'm not sure if the suspect returned but he went after her. Part of me thinks this had to be separate, because her attack was personal…like he was going to rape her or something. Which we both know is highly unusual if a suspect returns," Sara rattled off as she shrugged her shoulders in confusion. "But, Officer Pettler was still there and managed to scare the guy off.

"How far did the perp get Sara?" Nick asked as the anger boiled in his veins.

She was now laying crime scene photos out on the table top as she answered. "Not far. He tore at her top, and knocked her on the ground. It seemed the cop rescued her in time," Sara paused as she looked up at Nick. "Speaking of cops, it seems they know about McKean and Catherine. These cops tonight were jerks. They have no respect and made me feel uncomfortable, and I wasn't the one they were eyeing. They were staring at Catherine like she was bait. It doesn't look good for Cath."

Nick ran a hand through his hair as he tried to take everything in. Catherine was nearly raped at a crime scene tonight? Her first night back and she was attacked? That seemed a bit fishy and he began to wonder just who was really responsible for this. His thoughts were interrupted as Sara began to talk again.

"And, I think she's hiding something. She was really shook up, and I guess that is normal but we are talking about Catherine here. It's seemed all too perfect. The cop saw the suspect, but I never saw anyone. And, I heard her scream. I should have seen someone retreating or heard a rustle of some sort, but all I saw was Officer Pettler," she stopped as she continued to think.

"Could the cop of scared the suspect away before you got out there?"

"Maybe but doubtful, and Catherine seemed scared of the cop. But, she never said a word about him to me."

Sara and Nick both straightened up immediately when they heard the lab door open. "Well…well…well…what did I walk into? You guys look guilty of something," Catherine spoke as she smirked at the two of them.

"How's Lindsey?" Sara found herself asking.

"You were attacked today?" Nick spoke up simultaneously.

"What?" Catherine questioned as she shook her head in annoyance. "Lindsey's fine, and someone has a big mouth," Catherine countered further as she glared at Sara.

"Are you serious? The lab will find out soon enough Catherine. I had to inform Brass and Grissom about what happened."

"You what?" Catherine asked heatedly as she stepped closer to Sara. "You had no right. As far as I'm concerned there is no case to begin with."

"Cath give her a break. She didn't mean anything by telling me," Nick added quietly.

"You were attacked at a crime scene. I had to notify them," Sara chanted right after Nick.

Catherine rubbed at her throbbing head as the control for this situation was slowly slipping from her grasp. Who was she kidding? She never had control over it to begin with. "You're making too much out of it Sara."

"I don't take attempted rape lightly."

"Neither do I," Catherine whispered as she glared back. "Quit referring to my situation as that. It wasn't like that."

"Really? Torn shirt, forced to the ground, and bruising around the breast and hip area-are all telling me a different story."

Sara was definitely pushing for the truth, and Catherine was not handling it well. "And I'm telling you it wasn't like that. Let it go Sara," Catherine warned more with her eyes before she hastily pushed through the lab door and left.

* * *

Locking herself in the safety of her own office, Catherine let out a deep sigh as she angrily threw herself in her black leather chair. Squeezing her eyes shut, her hands reactively reached up and her fingers grazed through her hair along the sides of her forehead. This was turning into a bigger mess than she cared to admit, and Sara's dramatization of the events that took place at the crime scene had only made matters worse. It all amounted to one thing: McKean and his sick twisted mind were slowly trickling down to his fellow law mates. Attacking back would only heighten the situation for her, a situation that was becoming too much for her to handle as it was. Pettler was devious yet seemed somewhat reserved with his retaliation against her, but what if some of the other officers weren't as kind, and she began to worry about if her life or physical body were in harms way.

A sharp tapping noise and the brisk opening of her office door brought her out of her delirium. Rolling her eyes, Catherine immediately rejected the person that entered her domain. "I don't even want to discuss this with you." She sighed as she grabbed a few file folders and stacked them closer to her, and opened the one on top. "As you can see…I'm busy," she nearly growled as she witnessed his calm demeanor as he stood remaining where he was standing.

"Well standard policy is for me to get your statement of the events leading up to your assault at the crime scene. You were attacked on the clock Catherine."

That seemed to get her attention as she slammed the case folder that she was searching through shut. "Really?" She snorted more than she questioned. "I think your breaking policy. Isn't that Ecklie's job?" Her eyes turned to ice as she cockily started at his concerned blue ones.

"I'm your supervisor."

"Right… and I'm screwing my boss."

His eyes widened at her choice of words as his mouth fluttered open in shock. "Don't diminish what we have to just mere…" his words were suddenly lost as she abruptly stood.

"I haven't diminished us to anything. I'm just being blunt, and you have NO business interfering with anything that is happening to me professionally. If you think I'm being callous that is something you are going to have to deal with. Because frankly Gil, my sole priority here, is to dig my name out of the mud that you so easily allowed to get slung there." Walking to the door heatedly, she was suddenly jerked backwards as Grissom yanked her back to him.

"I love you…You HEAR me? And if you think that I'm going to allow this to interfere with us," Grissom stopped momentarily as he gestured his hand between the two of them. "Then you don't know me at all. I'm not giving up on US. It might have felt that way, but I screwed up," his words ended into a whisper as his hands gently stroked down her arms and grabbed her hands. "Look, we will talk about this later after work when we are away from here," and with that he reluctantly let go of her hands as he pulled away from her leaving her alone in her office.

She turned around to watch him leave with her mouth hanging open. Three small simple words that she used to love hearing from his mouth now only complicated her life all the more. Where did he get off suddenly spouting his love for her when only a few weeks ago he literally walked out on her when she needed him the most?

She slammed her office door shut yet again, and thought about locking it to keep Grissom's pestering ass out. Shaking her head angrily, she could not get past the nerve of this man. Just today at the start of her shift, he had belittled her in front of everyone with his uncouth comment of Sara being the lead on their case. That was nothing more than a harsh reminder of reemphasizing she could no longer work a case alone. And now only moments ago, he declares that he's not giving up on them because he loves her.

She felt utterly bewildered, and perhaps a few months ago confusion would have been the last word she would have used to describe her feelings towards him. She would have never questioned his love for her or had any reservations about their relationship. But things felt different now, and the doubts seemed too overwhelming and smothering. Then again it wasn't fair for her to judge her feelings about Grissom now. Not with her career possibly falling into shambles or the gradual desires for Nick that were slowly surfacing. Letting out a pent up sigh, she was about to take a seat behind her desk when her cell phone buzzed. Looking down she rolled her eyes at the display. "Shit…," she whispered to herself before she popped her flip phone open. "Willows?"

"Catherine, did you forget to come by my office?"

She chose to ignore the frustration that was laced in Ecklie's tone. "For?"

"I heard from Brass you were attacked. Attacked at a crime scene no less! You know its procedure to get your statement so that…" Ecklie stopped as she interrupted him.

"I know the procedures; I didn't realize you were in already," she barked.

"Well, I came in a few hours early considering you have to check in with me. I think we should do this now…so you don't forget anything. You know time is of the essence with matters like these."

"Touching!'

"Excuse me?" Ecklie asked with bemusement.

"Oh this…your act of caring…it's really touching. Where's Brass?" Her tone turned a bit clipped as her patience was slowly wearing thin.

"He's…in my office. I thought we could get this done before the end of your shift."

She clicked her phone shut as she grabbed her purse from within her cabinet, and headed to the dreariest office of all. Ecklie's! It was by far worse than Grissom's which was saying a lot. She pushed her way through the closed door not really caring if she was interrupting his privacy.

"I'd prefer in the future if you'd knock," came Ecklie's cocky reply.

"I'm sure there are many things you'd prefer. I'd prefer to go home."

Brass only chuckled at the tension that was building within the room. "Tell me what happened tonight," Brass asked as he took out his pen.

Catherine took a deep breath as she took a seat next to Brass. "It really all happened fast. I didn't get a look at the guy. I really don't have much more to say," Catherine whispered as she settled her stare on Brass.

"Sara says that it was an attempted rape. Did he unclothe himself?" Ecklie asked as he stared at Catherine's face before his eyes lingered down her top.

"Uhhh…no," Catherine stopped as she cleared her throat. She noticed as Ecklie's eyes flicked quickly back to her reddened face. "Sara didn't witness anything."

"So he didn't… force himself on you?" He questioned again as his eyes purposely left her face and traveled to the 'v' between her legs. Catherine turned her attention quickly to Brass who was writing in his notepad before he looked up at Catherine expectantly waiting an answer.

"No," she croaked out as her arms settled into a cross-like fashion under her breast.

"But, he wanted to?" She appallingly stared at Ecklie as his lips twisted into an upward grin as his eyes slowly lingered back up her body. Her body tensed from the obvious hidden meaning behind his question. The world around her felt foreign as she took in her bosses' sudden ill advances upon her. Uncomfortable was not half of what she was feeling, and her skin felt clammy as the pit of her stomach felt empty yet sickeningly heavy. She was about to speak but Brass beat her to the point.

"Cath, take your time. I understand this must be hard for you. Do you want to take a break? I could get you a drink of water?"

"NO…I don't need any water! I mean…I'm fine." She turned her attention eagerly back to Brass. "Look, it was dark. He got a little…rough. Shoved me to the ground…then stopped."

"Did he say anything to you?" Brass questioned as he continued jotting down notes.

"Just…meaningless threats."

Brass quirked his eyebrow up at her comment as he scratched at his head. "Meaningless how?"

"If I didn't do what he wanted…sort of threats," Catherine stopped as she looked at her watch. "If that's it…I really need to go." She just wanted to bolt from Ecklie's office because he was succeeding at making her skin crawl. She felt a small shiver pass down her spine as she shot Brass a quick smile.

"Well, I suppose we are through here, but if you remember anything at all... call me," Brass stopped as he stood up as Catherine did. "Let me walk you out."

Normally she would have easily declined, but a big part of her wanted Brass near her. He was the only person she truly trusted on the police force besides the close-knit group that she worked with. Sighing heavily as they walked out of Ecklie's office, her body started to relax momentarily. "Thanks."

"Look… Cath, I think maybe you should talk to someone?"

"Why?" She asked as she turned her head to look at him in confusion. "Brass… I'm fine," she whispered in denial as her eye brows drew together in annoyance.

"I'm just concerned here. You are going through a lot. With everything dealing with McKean, and on top of that you were attacked at a crime scene today."

"I'm fine! I don't know how else to say that to you. I don't need to talk to anyone. I mean today was a little scary, but it's nothing to write home about."

"I'm going to go with my gut on this one, and mandate that you receive counseling sessions on a weekly basis by a therapist provided to you by our police department." He was now facing her as he lightly touched her shoulder. A mixture of concern and austerity was settling on his face, and even though she knew she could not reason her way out of this; she felt she had to try.

"Brass… I appreciate your concern here, but I don't need that. I will be okay," she pleaded as she kept her eyes firmly on his.

"I'm not backing down on this one."

"So… I'm barely BACK on the job a whole freaking day, and you want to send me to SOME… therapist. I'm NOT crazy Brass," Catherine spouted as her eyes glazed over with emotion her arms frilled out to the sides as she continued with her plea. "Cut me some slack here!"

"I don't think you're crazy. That's not what this is about, and you know it." His voice remained low as his fingers gently massaged her shoulder.

She pulled away with a look of exasperation written all over her face. "You know that is what everyone will think. That… I lost it and need departmental counseling. I already have everyone against me as it is BRASS, and this is only going to make everything a whole heck of a lot worse."

"Everyone is not against you."

"Oh… DAMN it Brass, don't be so naïve here," Catherine growled as she furiously searched for her keys in her overloaded purse. "OPEN up your eyes! Don't reduce this to me being paranoid." She jerkily opened up her car door as his hand kept a firm hold on her shoulder.

"Before you report into work tomorrow, a therapist will be appointed to you. No field work is allowed until you talk to them."

Shaking her head heatedly, she fell into her seat as she jammed her key into the ignition. "Right… and you think I'm going to feel comfortable opening up to someone on the police force when I hardly trust a damn person in it," Catherine yelled as she grabbed her door handle with the intention of slamming it shut.

Brass quickly grabbed her door before she succeeded at closing him out from her. "Who don't you trust Cath. I want names."

Looking down, she dejectedly shook her head as she erupted into a fit of distressed giggles. So many names were conjuring up into her head, and how could she begin to tell Brass that one of his officers was the one that actually attacked her tonight. Or that Ecklie seemed to be apart of the whole elaborate scheme that McKean had managed to create for some unsightly reason.

His concern grew for her as he bent down to her level. "You realize anything you say will be held in the strictest of all confidence. No one will know that you are talking to anyone."

"And you can't really promise me that," she whispered before Brass backed away as she pulled her door shut. Revving her engine to life, she reversed out of her parking space and tried to leave the nightmare behind her.

* * *

With every intention of driving home, she found herself parked at the nearest public park. It was either here or some local bar to help drown her miserable life that would later leave an acid after taste in her mouth. She opened her car door, and immediately squinted at the sun rays that managed to escape past a few tree branches. She found an empty bench and just fell into it as she managed to keep her purse next to her. She knew her demeanor to an outsider probably would have come across as overly dramatic, but the only thing her life amounted to these days was drama.

She could not get past Ecklie's behavior today, and saying that it was inappropriate was a major understatement. She had never felt so small, belittled, or offended by one man like she was in his discomfortingly small office. Even in her past life as a stripper, the men seemed to lack more couth than Ecklie did when they grazed over her body with eyes filled only with lust. There was an obvious difference, and Ecklie's was indeed threateningly disturbing. Sighing heavily, she dropped her head in the palm of her hand as she unwittingly shook her head with profound uneasiness.

"Excuse me Miss…you dropped your purse!"

Catherine raised her head in alarm as she stared at the man before her who was holding up her purse. Where had he come from, and more importantly why did she not notice his presence before he spoke? She was a CSI for goodness sakes and she wondered if perhaps she was losing her edge, but then again his soft and gentle demeanor did not go unnoticed by her. "Thanks… I don't mean to stare; you just caught me off guard."

His face which was of a smooth light olive complexion relaxed into a soft grin as his light blue-gray eyes sparkled with a hint of teasing. "The feeling is mutual."

Catherine cracked an innocent grin of complete confusion as she lightly grabbed her purse from his offering hand. "Excuse me?"

"I jog by here nearly everyday, and I rarely see anyone sitting here. And here you are…looking so distraught. I had to stop."

She stared at the man before her as she opened her mouth to speak but just smiled instead as she looked down. A perfect stranger happened to read her emotions better than the people that were closest to her. "It's just been a long day, but besides that I'm fine."

"How about an early dinner?"

"You're kidding right?" The look on her face was one of amusing bewilderment.

"It seems to me that it might do you some good to talk."

Catherine snickered at him as she suddenly stood. "I don't even know you."

"And… that's what is so beautiful about it. You have nothing to lose"

"Is this your normal way of getting someone to talk to you?"

His brilliant white teeth flashed as his face molded into a soft grin. His slightly wavy brown hair provided a harsh contrast to the lightness of his amused eyes. "No usually people like to open up to me. Or at least that is what they all tell me. I'm actually a psychology professor at Valley High School."

"Impressive! So I now know what you do for a living, but I don't know your name. I suppose people would say that… you're not the best with introductions." Catherine could not help but smile before she opened her mouth in modest shock at her sudden bluntness.

"Ladies first, by all means," he whispered as he took a seat next to her.

She tilted her head at him as she shook her head smiling at his light banter. "I'm Catherine… Catherine Willows."

"Nice to meet you Catherine. My name is Mark Cohen," he stopped as he smiled. "I wasn't going to tell you my name at first until you agreed on a dinner date with me, but then I didn't want to come across as desperate."

Catherine licked at her top lip as her eyes shot upward at this response. Desperate was a far cry from any thought that popped up in her mind. Mark was definitely not lacking in the looks department, and part of her wondered what he was doing talking to her. "Desperate wasn't what I would have thought," she replied in a much lower voice than she had anticipated using.

"So you except my invitation to a dinner date then?"

"I didn't realize you passed me one?"

"Have dinner with me tonight?" His face turned serious as he uttered his question confidently.

Catherine looked down as a small smile graced her features. "Mark, I… I can't. As much as I know that it would be fun, I just can't," she stopped as she looked back at him. Every part of her wanted another male companion that was outside of her work force. Her life was only being jumbled and turning more complicated by the moment and a big part of her wondered if someone on the outside could help relieve the added tension that was pressing firmly on her shoulders. Then her thoughts went briefly to Grissom and Nick, and how big of mess that could all escalate into. Choosing one over the other, could only cause more hurtful complications amongst the people that she was the closest to. "I'm sort of seeing someone," she whispered as she sighed heavily.

"That good huh?" Mark asked as he gently nudged her shoulder with his. "Have dinner with me anyway," he stopped as she started to object lightly. "Look, only as two people hanging out in good company. No strings and no pressure."

Her eyes blinked rapidly as she slowly shook her head up and down. "I've heard that one before, and that is how I ended up with the guy I'm seeing now. And now, I'm finding myself in a very complicated relationship because I work closely with him." Raking her upper lip between her teeth she let out a puff of air. "He was my best friend, and if things turn worse I might end up losing everything that I treasured the most… his friendship."

"Well, like I said you seem like you need a friendly ear to bend for a little while. No strings attached." He offered her a wide smile and gestured towards the parking lot. "Just think of me as someone you met in a chat-room online, you can rant about the boyfriend and then whenever you're done sign out for the night. Only difference is, you're going to get a free dinner out of it. Why don't you meet me at the Jewish Deli on Tropicana? It's my favorite place in town."


	7. Chapter 7

****Thanks to everyone for all the reviews. Sorry this update took so long, but I wanted to change up some stuff in this chapter. I hope it's written okay and that it still holds your interest.****

Chapter 7

"I thought you were going to stand me up," Mark replied jovially as he stood up when she approached his table. He beamed a smile in her direction as she managed a small fleeting smirk back at him before she took a seat directly in front of him.

"I won't lie… I did think about it!" She let out a breath as she grabbed a menu. "So, what's good here?"

"My favorite is the Titanic because I'm just big on corned beef, and well their Russian dressing is just amazing," he stopped as he tilted her menu down to look at her face. "So if you are looking for a recommendation and you like corned beef… the Titanic is the way to go."

"You know your stuff."

"What can I say? I'm very well-rounded," he joked as he cleared his throat. She looked up in time to catch his fleeting look upon her. Smiling lightly, she gently closed her menu and placed it directly in front of her. "I'm going to run with your choice."

"Good call, I think you will be very pleased."

It did not take long before they had ordered all their food, and they sat in an awkward silence. She glanced out the window as her mind traveled back to Ecklie from earlier today. He seemed to be escalading with his sexually intrusive behavior towards her, and she found herself wondering if he would overly cross the line with her. "Something is surely eating you?" Even though he whispered, just the statement alone alarmed her.

"Excuse me?" Her face hardened briefly as she leaned further back in her chair as if to create more distance between them.

"I just mean, it's obvious something is really bothering you," he gently offered with a raised hand. "I didn't mean anything bad by what I said earlier."

"Well, don't try to read me."

"That's sort of my job you know. It's a habit."

"What… what the hell do you want from me?" She shook her head angrily as she threw her napkin on the table. "Did they put you up to this?" She asked as she leaned towards him with heated cheeks.

"I'm not sure I'm following…" he started before she chuckled disbelievingly at him.

"How much green did you get for this," she started as she angrily shook her head. "To drill me for answers? You know… to trick me into submission?"

"Catherine, I don't know what you are talking about." His whole body language seemed to be taken aback as he shifted further away from her as the waitress brought the food, and placed it in front of them.

Looking away, she stared out the window and noticed a happy smiling couple holding hands as they walked by. "I'm sorry… I just don't know who to trust. I guess I'm paranoid."

"I would have never noticed!" He whispered so casually it took her a moment to register his joke. She smirked in his direction until she burst into a fit of laughter. Her stomach and chest began to hurt with each vibrated sound she emitted. After her laughter calmed, she finally took a small bite of her sandwich. "Oh my… this is good," she whispered as her eyes closed in delight.

"I know my food!"

"Yes, you do! I can't believe I've never been here before."

"Let's make this a ritual."

"What?" Catherine asked before she took a sip of her tea.

"Meet me here… every Monday afternoon. It could be our little secret." His eyes brightened as he took a sip of his water.

She just stared at him for a moment as she slowly shook her head. "I can't Mark."

"Because of your boyfriend?"

"Well… partly that, but my job is unpredictable."

"Are you serious about it?" He asked quietly as his stare penetrated through her.

Her mouth opened in wonder as her tongue reached out and touched her upper lip. She felt partly confused on what exactly he was asking her. Was he referring to Grissom? Or her job? She felt completely thwarted as her eyes drifted down to her plate. Regardless of what his question was Catherine did not know how to answer it. Scratching her eyebrow, she cleared her throat to end the silence that suddenly surfaced.

"Well?"

"Mark… I, well my job is very serious to me."

"That wasn't what I was asking you."

Her eyes quickly found his intense blue ones as she shifted in her chair. "I'm not going to go out with you."

"Did I ask?"

"No, but why are you asking me about Grissom?"

"He finally has a name."

Her cheeks reddened as she angrily looked away. Who the hell was this man sitting before her? He seemed to be judging her, and she did not like it one bit. "What are you getting at?" Her question was a mere growl.

"That you don't look like a woman in love."

"I don't know what I am," the words slipped from her mouth before she had a chance to register them. Her anger was slowly simmering to a boiling point as he somehow managed to get her to answer him truthfully. "Grissom and I, well… we are complicated, and I don't think this is any of your business."

"Then what is my business?"

"What?" Catherine asked quietly as she finally looked at the man sitting before her. How was it that he was able to knock her off her senses or to throw her through such a loop she was utterly confused? She was left with just rambles after his simple questions.

"What do you feel comfortable discussing?"

"This isn't a matter of comfort! It's a matter of me not wanting to discuss my delicate unraveling of myself. My job is in turmoil! I'm being charged with sexual misconduct, and I've been de-promoted. Not to mention it seems I have the whole police squad against me. Grissom wasn't there to back me when he should have, and worse he didn't believe me. Everything just has me wondering if any of this is at all right. Is my job worth fighting for? The latest news is I have to report to an assigned psychologist from work. It's just a big mess."

"Who's accusing you?"

"I shouldn't be talking about this," Catherine started as she rose from her chair. "This was a bad idea, and talking just isn't HELPING." She grabbed her belongings as she headed to the door of the restaurant. Everything seemed to be on overload, and she felt like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her knees felt like rubber, and she clutched tightly onto the door as her world seemed to slowly spin out of control. Her knees buckled under her weight and before she knew it; she felt herself plummeting to the ground as numbness settled in, and her world turned into blackness.

_**

* * *

**_

_Her head was spinning as she slowly lifted it, and the small amount of light from the lamp was piercing if not blinding. Her shaky hand reached up to her head, and that was when she noticed the predicament she was in. Looking down, the concept of being naked did not escape her as she looked around the room as her chin quivered slightly. Pulling the sheet around her frail body, she slowly stood and walked to the chair where her purse was sitting. _

_Her hands quickly rummaged through its contents, and upon inspection she immediately flipped her purse over in a mad pursuit of what was missing. Her wallet was missing, and her heart was hammering in her chest with the realization that her cashed pay check was missing along with it. Her hand covered her face as she looked down, and that was when something else caught her attention. A small golden, ripped package was barely sticking out from the edge of the bed. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she slowly picked it up, and immediately dropped it when realization hit her troubled heart. _

_Her body glistened from her obvious drugged state, and she continued to look around with confusion laced with disgust. The room was small, and overshadowed with eerie darkness except for the small amount of light provided from the lamp next to the bed. The walls that were once possibly an off white color seemed to suck in the harsh yellowish color of nicotine from being a smoking room. _

_Shame was slowly tugging at her heart as she swallowed hard, and quickly found her way into the bathroom only to release the sickened feeling that had webbed its way into the pit of her stomach. It felt like forever that she was lying on the cold barren floor before she slowly eased herself from the toilet. Grabbing a hold of the walls to provide her with balance, she re-entered the nightmarish bedroom as the sobs overtook her body in convulsions. _

Eyes popping open, Catherine tried to sit up abruptly as Mark coerced her back down. "Not so fast, you just passed out," he whispered as he pushed her hair out of her face. The last thing she wanted was to be touched. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in some restaurant with all eyes on her. "An ambulance is on the way. It shouldn't be too much longer."

"What?" She barely managed as she tried to sit up again. "No… I'm fine." She pushed his hand away as she crawled to a standing position.

"Catherine, please be reasonable."

She shot him a look of humiliation as she pushed through the restaurant door. The owner immediately came running out after her. "Miss…miss, an ambulance is on the way. You can't leave."

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary. Please go attend to your other customers. I promise I'm fine. He's," Catherine whispered as she pointed to Mark. "He's going to take me to the hospital."

"Are you sure?" The owner asked in disbelief.

Catherine smiled as she shook her head yes.

"As you wish."

"I'm taking you to the hospital?" Mark questioned after they were once again alone.

"No… your not. I'm going home."

"You're not driving. Don't be ridiculous at least let me take you home!"

"Thanks, I think I can manage," Catherine retorted as she threw her purse over her shoulder and walked to her vehicle. She felt a bit wobbly as she neared her car, and thought better of driving herself for the time being. Something was definitely off, and placing others in danger was an idiotic decision.

"Damn it, Let me help you."

Catherine closed her eyes as her hands went to her head. "No, I just need space," she breathed out in panic.

She felt his eyes upon her as she distraughtly walked ahead in the parking lot. All she wanted was to be alone so she could sort out what she just remembered. It felt wickedly heavy as the nausea swirled around in her stomach, threatening to spill its new found contents. She was not sure what she just remembered, because regardless of what she thought happened that night with McKean; she could not prove anything. She ran that morning when she woke up in the motel, and she never looked back. She reported nothing, and remained silent. She willingly took a pill from him which she felt made her guilty of anything that happened afterwards regardless if she remembered it or not.

She had the beginning and the ending, but everything in between was gone or highly fuzzy. A few small clues of what 'could' have happened such as an opened condom wrapper and waking up naked is something she refused to talk about or much less admit to. It was easier to move on and to try and forget; even though, forgetting was far from possible.

"Talk to me."

"Mark… just let it go. Please… I don't need this right now." Her eyes closed again as her stomach surged once again. "Don't try and psycho-analyze me," she whispered as she opened her driver's door with little strength. Her legs weakened as she found herself falling into the seat. How did she get herself in this predicament to begin with? She should have never come on this chance encounter of dinner with him because all it did was open up old wounds. Wounds so deep, she did not know how to heal them.

"Someone really played a number on you," Mark declared as he knelt down in front of her open door while facing her.

"Why can't you drop this?"

"Because something happened back there in the restaurant."

"You are turning this into something much bigger than it needs to be."

"Am I?" Mark questioned with assertion.

"Damn it! Let it go, Mark," Catherine barked before rubbing her temple.

"I'll let it go on one condition," he whispered to Catherine.

"Fine..." Catherine whined more than anything else.

"I want you to tell me who McKean is? You mumbled the name before you came to when we were in the restaurant."

She remained silent as she looked away in frustration; just wishing for this dreadful day to end. She was physically tired, and it didn't seem like tomorrow was going to be any better considering she had to meet with a departmental shrink. She was in no mood to play conditional games with Mark, and she wasn't about to talk about McKean with a near complete stranger. He already knew more than he needed to.

"Come on Catherine, who is he?"

"I'm not going to play into this with you," she forced herself to say as she continued to look out the window. A nearby tree caught her attention as its fragile limbs were being tossed around from the unrelenting wind. She felt just like the delicate limbs, being tossed around blindly, nearly ready to snap. "I think you should just go. I'm fine now."

She felt his soft eyes upon her, and for some odd reason it made her feel weak and small. Something she never was. Something she didn't want to become. "What did he do to you?" He asked quietly as his hand reached out and lightly squeezed her shoulder.

Shrugging away from his touch, she fumbled with her keys placing them in the ignition. Grabbing at her driver's door, her stare spoke volumes before she uttered her next words. "Just go."

He was reluctant to get up, but finally stood easinghimself away from the car. "Whatever you want. I'm only trying to help you."

"I don't need your help."

"Everyone needs help from time to time regardless if they care to admit it or not. Denial only takes you so far before you crumble. You need to think about who you want on your side when you do fall."

"Oh that is rich. So if you strike out with kindness; you move to using your bull shit shrink talk?"

"Whatever," Mark started as he held his hands up in obvious annoyance. "I tried, and I'm through with helping." Catherine watched as he walked off in anger, and she blew out a big sigh as she threw her head against the plush head rest of her seat. She was not trying to be difficult or non-appeasing, but he came on a bit too strong for her. Even if his intensions were to be helpful, she wasn't in a mind frame to be accepting towards it. She barely knew him, and considering she hadn't opened up about any of the details regarding McKean to the people that knew her best; she felt like she wasn't being unreasonable.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she had managed to pull pulling into an empty driveway in a numb faze. Yawning with emotional tiredness, she walked into a dark house and it was times like these she wished she owned a dog. The kindness and love that a dog gave their owner was something she missed having ever since Dafodil ran away many moons ago. Her and Eddie spent weeks in search of her, but came up empty handed. She never really ever got over it, and another dog was out of the question. It just wouldn't have been the same.

Shrugging out of her clothes as she entered her bedroom, she turned on the shower and quickly emerged herself under the hot jet of water. As the water moistened through her hair, her mind eased itself from the day she had. Her thoughts seemed to go down the drain as she massaged the shampoo through out her long hair. Keeping her eyes closed the whole time, her body soon relaxed as well. The hot water seemed to do the trick, and the last thing she wanted to do was get out but she was exhausted. Shutting the water off, she stepped out of the tub into the thick steam that her shower had created. She quickly rubbed the water out of her hair with a towel, and then dried off her body before she put on a pair of flannel bottoms with a green tank top.

She was in the process of putting on a pair of matching fluffy socks when her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand next to where she was sitting on the bed. "Willows," she automatically spoke into her phone after she opened it.

"Catherine, its Grissom. Can we talk?"

"Gil, I'm tired. I'm almost in bed."

"I'm standing out side of your door. I need to see you."

"Griss, this better be good," she started as she walked out of her room towards the front door. As she opened the door, Catherine closed her phone shut. Something seemed off with him as he side stepped her, and headed to her kitchen. He was pacing back and forth, and kept his head down as he seemed to be contemplating on what to say. Perhaps he came over to break up with her.

She waited patiently until his blue eyes finally met hers. The look on his face was indescribable as he walked towards her, and ran his hands through her damp hair. Without hesitation his mouth seeked out hers as his lips fell upon hers. One hand trailed down her arm and settled on her waist as he pulled her closer into him. Her heart hammered in her chest not from pleasure, but from a mixture of confusion laced with an unbalanced fear. She wondered if his touch had never felt right as she pulled away from the kiss.

But his stare was still intense, and she nearly gasped as he bent down on one knee. She looked around the kitchen briefly wondering if this was actually happening to her or perhaps she was stuck in some sort of horrible dream. "Gil, what are you doing," she whispered more in wavering panic than anything else. A big part of her wanted to shout at him to stand up as her eyes turned cloudy with emotion.

This could not be happening, and she took a small step back as she watched him clear his throat before his mouth opened. What she dreaded most was about to become official as his hand pulled free from his pocket displaying a small box. She could only watch on as his hand shakily opened the black velvet box that contained what he assumed was her future. The princess cut diamond seemed only to mock her as it glinted from the light in the kitchen.

"Catherine, I've dreamed of this moment and I think it's taken me so long to get here because I was afraid. Afraid my proposal would never amount to being enough, or that I would completely screw it up. Afraid with a sick sense of dread that maybe you would reject me or turn me away even though I know you love me," he stopped briefly as he grabbed her left hand. "Catherine, I love you more than anything and I'd love to have you as my wife."

The room filled with an awkward silence as Catherine lightly pulled her hand free from Grissom's clammy hand. Looking down, the surge of guilt seemed overwhelming as she took in an unsteady breath. She dreaded most what she was about to do, and she briefly thought that perhaps it would be better to tell him yes. At least then, she wouldn't be hurting a dear friend that she treasured deeply. It seemed a small price to pay, but she knew saving face now would only hurt him worse in the end. "Grissom," she mostly mouthed as her eyes drifted shut, and her hands took solace while embracing each other.

"Don't," was all she barely heard as her eyes flew open. The look on his face made her wonder if perhaps she made the wrong decision. How could she ever make this right? It felt impossible as her heart crashed along with his into a spiraling world of failure. "Grissom... I," she started as her chin quivered, but she was quickly interrupted.

"Spare me the speech Catherine. I don't want to hear how there is nothing wrong with me. You owe me more than that. You owed me more than this. Instead you let me fall into this false pretense that you felt the same way I did." His voice remained soft and calm although his body language depicted a completely different tone. Closing the box with a loud thud, he shoved it back in his pant pocket as he stormed towards her door.

"It's not like that," she hollered as she ran after him, and gently grabbed his arm. "Let me explain." She tried to plead as he pulled his arm free, and yanked open her door.

"I don't think so," he spouted as he continued out her door, and hit the unlock button on his small remote for his Denali. Climbing into his vehicle he barely had a chance to close his door as he reversed in a frenzy out of her drive way with his tires squealing briefly when he punched the gear in drive. "GRISSOM," Catherine screamed as she ran down her drive way even though the realization of catching him was far from possible.

She let out a detrimental cry as her hands covered her face. Falling on her knees, her body shook as all her emotions let loose. She couldn't handle this, not now. Not when her memories were slowly resurfacing. Her sobs were raw and painful as she desperately pressed her palms against her eyelids trying to gain some sort of inner balance. She felt miserably lost as she slowly managed to control her breathing. Her eyes flutter shut as the numbness slowly gained control of her inner being. It didn't take much longer before she stood defeated and managed her way back inside a lonely house.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Only a week had passed, but it felt more like an unbearable month as Catherine parked her car into the lab parking lot. She was supposed to see a departmental therapist last week; however, the one assigned had been out ill with the flu. Walking quietly and turning into what was considered the lobby of the therapist unit, she wished for her therapist's illness to leash itself upon her. To maidenly invade her body so grossly that she would fall ill for a larger part of a month.

Catherine stared at the receptionist as she giggled into her ear piece as she whispered something back. "You are so bad; I can't talk about that now!" Another loud giggle was emitted as the receptionist hollered out loud. "Kevin!"

Rolling her eyes, Catherine tapped the counter top to get the other lady's attention. Looking up abruptly, the other woman mouthed 'I'm sorry," before she hung up the phone with Kevin. "I'm really sorry about that. What can I help you with?"

"I'm here to see Dr. Brymore. I have an appointment at 1pm."

"Catherine Willows?"

"Yes."

"Please take a seat, She will be with you in a moment," the receptionist offered as she smiled briefly before she picked up the phone. "Dr. Brymore… your one o'clock appointment is here."

Taking a seat, Catherine flipped through a magazine pretending to read but was actually too consumed with what was about to transpire to actually pay any attention to the small print. She could not help but wonder how painful this was going to be. She was going to be expected to talk about the situation involving her attack at the crime scene and most likely about the whole mess with McKean. Was she supposed to trust this woman enough to open up about any of this? She seriously doubted it. Life was never that easy or was it?

"Ms. Willows?"

Looking up abruptly, Catherine was shocked to see the woman actually looked to be around the same age as herself. Her brown hair was speckled with a light mixture of grey hair, and was currently pulled into a low setting ponytail. Light freckles seem to be sprinkled out almost evenly along her pale skin with green eyes that eliminated with each smile she displayed. Her smile seemed kind, and before Catherine knew it she was following behind as the therapist led the way to her office.

The door shutting behind Catherine sounded like a loud gunfire that exploded in her head, and she could not help but turn towards the wooden door that now made the room seem smaller than it actually was. "First time?"

Turning slowly around, Catherine stood as she eyed the many different displays of furniture to sit upon.

"Take a seat anywhere. Some people prefer couches while others like a recliner, a rocking chair or even perhaps a love seat."

Catherine took a seat on the beige love seat being that it was directly next to her. Usually she would be one to sit back and just recline against a piece of furniture; but at this moment, she was on edge and sat just as she felt.

"First off, try to relax. I'm going to take things slow, and probably slower with you than I normally would with a client."

"Why is that?"

"I'm trained to see things, and for starters you are far from comfortable. Your body language speaks volumes. I never force a patient into an area that they aren't ready for. Mentally speaking that is. I probe yes, but I let my patients set their own pace. I'm not here as an enemy, but more as a confidant."

"Confidant?"

"Yes, Catherine. I'm here to help you. Your type of job puts you through stressful situations on a daily basis. Your ex-husband was a victim of a crime?"

"How do you know about Eddie?"

"I have your file Catherine. I have a job to do here, and getting to know my patients is only part of it."

"What does Eddie have to do with this?"

"How come you didn't see a therapist then?"

"I didn't need one. Just like I don't need one now."

"And that is something for me to determine. It's not like I'm here to hold you back either. You aren't paying me. The department is."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"What do you mean?"

"The department controls this, and I have no say so."

"Wrong, we control this together. The department only implements what they feel is right. Obviously Detective Brass had good reason to request this for you, but no one can really keep you here unless I feel you need it."

Catherine looked down, and fidgeted with the strap to her purse. The last place she wanted to be was here, and she just hoped the hour would pass quickly.

"So, why do you feel Brass requested you to see me?"

"Because he's following protocol."

"Protocol for when you were attacked at the crime scene?"

"I was fine."

"You were nearly a victim of a sexual assault. That had to be scary."

"Look, I dealt with it. It was scary, but I surpassed it. And dwelling over it isn't going to make it any better."

"How did you deal with it?"

"What?" Catherine asked confusingly as her breathing turned heavy. She was expecting to hear something different not to have to recite how she handled her own problem.

"How did you deal with your assault?"

"I wasn't assaulted," Catherine hollered as her cheeks flushed red.

"You dealt with your issue by denying it?"

"Don't twist my words into benefiting what you want to hear."

"Well, I'm confused then. I have your file here, and the pictures and the other evidence show a completely different story than what you are saying."

"What happened to working through things at my own pace?"

"So you haven't dealt with it. At least tell me that much."

Catherine stared at her therapist with her mouth opened in shock. She was relentless to prove her point, but a point that was well made. "I guess I don't know how I feel about the whole ordeal."

"How does the attack make you feel?"

"It angers me when you call it that."

"Okay, how would you like me to refer to it?"

"It… it was a mishap. Just an eye opener so to speak. I should have been more alert, and that is a mistake that I will never make again."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm not really casting blame… just saying I know how to handle myself better in the future," Catherine whispered as she looked at her watch. It was nearly two, and she let out a breath of relief.

"You seemed relieved that it's two," Dr. Brymore whispered as she finished scribbling notes. "I want to see you twice a week. Would that be okay?"

"Is twice really necessary? I have a teenage daughter too."

"Lindsey, right?"

Catherine stared yet again as she tried to find the correct words to speak. "Yes, that is right."

* * *

"I have your file remember, and yes I think twice is necessary."

"Grissom, here is the report from Sara and…" Catherine started before she was quickly interrupted.

"I don't have time for this. Just set it on my desk, and Sara can give me a detailed account regarding the case later." His tone was of a serious nature, and his body posture spoke volumes as he refused to acknowledge that she was even in the room. He continued to flip through the paperwork on his desk and his eyebrows furrowed further. "If that is all, I have things to do here."

"Gil, can we not do this," she whispered as she gently set the file on his desk. "The proposal was out of nowhere. You caught me completely…"

"Is this work related?"

She remained quiet as her throat restricted with emotion. With everything she was going through, she could not afford to lose him—her best friend. "Gil please, don't do this."

"You are working with Sara again tonight. It's actually a case you were working on before you were placed on suspension. You remember the case involving the lawyer that was sexually assaulted, beaten and was left in a coma?"

"Yes, Melinda Franke. She was running to become the next DA. I thought… you handed the case out to someone else when I was suspended."

"I followed a few leads, and then we got overloaded with a whole bunch of other cases. It sort of was placed on the back burner."

"Ok…is she still in a coma?"

"No," Grissom started as he handed her the case file. "She passed away about an hour ago."

The news seemed to punch her in the stomach. Her hand reached out plucking the file from his hands as the rest of her body remained motionless. Her head immediately started pounding as she felt the bile rise up her throat.

"She's waiting on you," he whispered pointedly as he stared at the clock.

It took Catherine a few moments to compose herself as she walked out of his office, and her emotions became daunting. Rubbing at her head as she suppressed her tears, she pushed through the door of the nearest restroom. Collecting herself over the sink, she gently splashed warm water over her face. Bracing her hands on the basin, she took in a deep breath as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Catherine…, I've been looking for you. We have a case to get to," Sara suddenly paused as she tilted her head at Catherine. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll meet you at your Denali in a few."

Opening the door with the base of her back, Sara smiled lightly as she back peddled. "Okay, I will be waiting."

Looking up in the mirror at her reflection, Catherine noticed the lines of defeat that was slowly forming on her face. Just an hour ago, a woman was still alive. For some reason, this case was hitting her hard and she just hoped she had the strength to solve it. It just wasn't fair that another innocent person had to die from the hands of some morbid soul.

Life seemed to be feeling unbearable and she did not realize how much the loss of Grissom would tear at her heart. It felt horribly lonely to know she did not have him on her side, but then through this whole ordeal with McKean she had felt his absence. Now, she couldn't even talk to him regarding cases or specific ones that upset her terribly.

What had she done? Maybe her feelings for him ran deeper than just a great friendship? She needed him. Regardless of her confusion, he had been apart of her for the better of twenty years. He had helped her through all her issues with Eddie by offering a comforting hand, a strong shoulder to cry on, a safe couch to sleep on, and more importantly he listened to her.

Not to mention when Lindsey was born, he was the one that held her hand through the long intense hours of labor because Eddie was too high to make it home that night. Though she was married to Eddie, Grissom had always acted more like her husband than her own husband at the time. He was her safety net, and she felt she had lost everything of value.

Pulling away from the sink slowly and fleeing the bathroom, she dragged herself down the hallway to the locker room to grab her kit before heading outside to Sara who had been waiting on her. Opening the trunk of Sara's vehicle she shoved her kit in the back, and then rounded around on the passenger side and hopped into the front seat silently.

She could feel Sara's gaze upon her so she looked out the window to try and distant herself as much as possible. The last thing she wanted was to be around anyone much less have to talk to them.

"Cat?" Sara asked softly as she started her vehicle.

"Just drive," Catherine whispered as she continued to look out the window. Then it occurred to her this whole situation had been reversed not that long ago when Hank had cheated on Sara. It was Sara that sat in a seat similar to this one, and told Catherine to 'just drive' dejectedly.

Sara stared at her briefly before she pulled the gear in drive, and exited the lab parking lot. The silence penetrated the cabin and Catherine was eager to jump out of the Denali when it pulled to a stop.

"I thought we were going to the hospital?" Catherine questioned in confusion.

"Hospital?"

"Grissom said we needed to work on Ms. Franke's case."

"Oh, we are but we got called out by Brass first. Since the others were already working crime scenes, we were the only ones that were available."

Both women grabbed the kits from the back, and headed up to meet Brass in the parking lot of the Lazy Queens Motel when Catherine suddenly stopped walking. Her whole body turning rigid, Catherine's mouth was invaded with a sour taste as her stomach threatened to lurch the last meal she ate hours ago.

Officer Pettler stood in front of the familiar Motel office as Brass questioned the manager from inside. Not only did Pettler cause Catherine's heart to pitter patter in nervous fear, but the dreary office stirred a horrible memory within her as her breathing turned irregular.

Sara immediately stopped near her, but did not have a chance to respond as Pettler and Brass approached them. "Sara, Catherine…" Brass started as he took one look at Catherine and he gently touched her arm. "You okay?"

Catherine managed a fleeting smile as she shook her head yes. How the hell was she going to manage to get out of this one? She remembered this place. This was the very hotel that she woke up naked and alone many years ago. This place was the start of her unsettling mess with McKean. A night she longed to forget, but terrifyingly enough could not remember.

"There has been a mistake," Brass' voice pulled Catherine from her overwhelming thoughts. "A mishap perhaps. The manager accidentally called 911 then hung up. The dispatcher called the number back but did not receive an answer. So that is why you were called out as well as me."

"That's a bit odd," Sara whispered as her eyebrows drew in together.

"The things people will do," Pettler responded which caught Catherine's attention. She looked up at him and his stare was focused in on only her. Her mouth opened in alarm as she realized that he must have known about this place.

"False alarm then," Sara replied causing Catherine to look over at her. Taking a deep breath, she walked back towards the vehicle needing to get away. Disappear from the whole situation. Her mind was swarming with unwanted thoughts, and she found herself jogging slowly back to the vehicle. Setting her kit down near the back of the Denali, she ran both her hands through out her hair as she looked down trying to ease her thoughts away. Tonight was an obvious set up for her. How she got this case she wasn't sure, but she dreaded knowing. Perhaps it was random, or maybe Catherine was requested.

"Catherine… what is going on?" Sara asked in worry.

"I'm just having an off night."

"And it's obvious! Why?"

She quickly picked up her kit, and shoved it into the rear of the vehicle leaving Sara only to follow what she just did. They both got into the car, and Catherine turned on the radio to help eliminate some of the silence. It wasn't long until they were back on the road.

"Grissom proposed," Catherine whispered out of nowhere causing Sara to quickly glance at her with her mouth open. She remained quiet waiting for Catherine to continue something she was not expecting to hear. "He was waiting for me to say yes, and I didn't. I pulled my hand away and crushed him. I really hurt him Sara, and he wants absolutely nothing to do with me," Catherine rambled without holding back. The words were flowing out of her mouth with little to no resistance. "And… I need him. I can't do this alone. Almost everyone is against me with this whole McKean thing, and what a joke that tonight we show up at a scene that just happens to be a mishap. This wasn't a simple case of an accident. This was to get my attention."

"What do you mean?" Sara asked as she stared at Catherine with concern.

Looking out the window, she took a deep breath as she rubbed at her throbbing head. "I can't go into the specifics Sara. But many years ago… I woke up here alone and naked not remembering a damn thing. I think I was with McKean, but I swear I don't… I don't recall sleeping with him," her voice softened drastically as her voice shook with emotion.

Abruptly pulling the vehicle over and coming to a stop, Sara looked over at her. "Catherine what are you saying?"

She couldn't speak as her lungs tightened causing her face to redden in panic. She did the only thing she knew to do, and harshly opened the passenger door as she unbuckled her belt. She ran towards the ditch gasping for air as she bent over trying to catch her breath. It didn't take much longer until Sara was by her side wishing she knew what to do in order to help her. "Are you saying it wasn't consensual… or that it never happened?"

* * *

The air entering her lungs felt thick as she continued to wheeze for more air. "I… can't… breathe," Catherine barely managed as her face flushed drastically. Before she knew it, she felt Sara hands as she gently helped her to sit.

"Catherine… CATHERINE… Look at me," Sara started as she loudly clapped her hands together. Catherine's eyes fluttered up and stared at a pair of dark brown eyes that were staring back at her with concern. Still breathing highly irregular with tiny beads of perspiration popping out on the clammy skin of her face, Catherine found it nearly impossible to stay focused on Sara as her eyes rolled shut.

"CATHERINE… FOCUS ON ME."

Giving Catherine a big smile as her eyes flicked back in Sara's direction, Sara gently grabbed her friend's hands. "Good… pay attention to me. Now I want you to look over my shoulder, and look at my Denali."

Chest heaving as her eyes darted rapidly to the vehicle, Catherine felt like she was going to have a heart attack. She was unsure how she could even focus on Sara, but knowing she was here oddly enough made her feel better.

"Good… now focus on the driver's door of the car. Can you see the handle?"

Her attention quickly adjusted to the handle as she desperately thought about looking away. She wanted to separate herself from reality as it felt too overwhelming.

"Keep focusing Catherine, don't stop," Sara quickly voiced as she noticed Catherine's eyes briefly flicker downward." Her breathing started to slow to a normal pace, but was still very choppy. "What color is the handle?"

"Black," she answered shakily as she looked back at Sara. Gently rubbing Catherine's hands to help calm her, Sara smiled as she witnessed her take a small yet relaxing breath.

"You are going to be okay. You just had a panic attack."

"How did you know how to make it stop?"

"I used to get them. It's about redirecting your mind, and focusing in on little details. Your brain is on overload, and your body reacts to it. So I would focus on what was real, and right in front of me."

"Thanks… I'm sorry for losing it back there. I don't know what's wrong me."

"Are you kidding me? Catherine… you are over pressured, overwhelmed, stressed, and God knows what else. I'd be surprised if you didn't cave," Sara whispered as she helped Catherine up. "Look this McKean thing is obviously playing its toll of you. I'm not going to press you for answers, but you need to talk to someone about this."

"There is nothing to say. I don't remember much from that night," Catherine started as she climbed into the passenger seat. "I just… want this to be over."

"I get that you don't remember much, but Catherine this could be serious. Obviously your mind doesn't want you to remember."

"CAN… can we just drop this please."

"Catherine…"

"Why? Why do you always do THIS? I said I don't remember. I can't even remember if it was McKean. Please, just let it go. More than likely it's nothing."


	9. Chapter 9

***I do not own the character! But I sure do enjoy writing about them!!!***

Thanks so much for the reviews. I really like getting them. El Gringo... I'd love to hear the name of the person you would want to be on Catherine's side. I always look forward to reading your reviews. Wendysam... I'm glad you like the story and that I've managed to write Catherine's drama to where you can feel it. I feel for her too! Pugnturtle... I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying the angst. Csi Cameron... hahah I know I have Grissom written to be a jerk, and this coming chapter only gets worse. CSIhuntermom... well now... you helped inspire me to actually finish this story so thanks so much. Keep the reviews coming please!!!

Chapter 9

This was by far not her favorite office to sit in, but it was slowly becoming less intimidating except for today. "You seem a bit… unnerved."

"I'm… I don't know what I am," Catherine gushed as she let out a deep breath.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I don't think I should involve you."

"Why is that?"

"I have my reasons," Catherine started as she suddenly stood up and paced the floor of Dr. Brymore's office. "This is a huge mess," her voice creaked before she let out a nervous laugh. "I'm in way over my head… and I'm drowning. I'm tired of struggling to keep my head only inches above the water. It's tiring."

Rising from her chair, Dr. Brymore rounded her desk and grabbed Catherine's hands gently as she walked her over to the love seat. "I think perhaps in this case… talking will be beneficial for you."

"NO, it won't."

"Give it a shot Catherine."

"YOU… you don't understand."

"What I don't understand is what you aren't telling me. What I do know is that you have been coming here for a little under a month, and you have dodged whatever it is you really need to talk about."

"I talk about what I want to…"

"You mean what you feel comfortable with? Therapy isn't about comfort. It's about opening up your most inner being."

"I'm here and talking; what the hell do you want from me," Catherine growled as she stood up.

"It's not a matter of what I want; it's about what you want. And until you choose to open up about what is really eating at you… my hands are tied."

"STOP… pushing at me, "Catherine yelled as her eyes brimmed with tears. "You have no idea how ugly things are going to get when I do explode, and I'm afraid of losing everything that I worked so hard to achieve." Quickly standing up and yanking her purse over her shoulder, Catherine stormed out of the room.

Running to her car with lungs that felt like they were about to explode; she nearly toppled over as she forcefully opened her car door only for it to be slammed shut abruptly. Reeling in shock, Catherine turned around and came face to face with Officer Pettler. Nervously peering around to see who else was in the parking lot, she spotted two regular police officers who refused to meet her eyes. Heart pounding as the fear lodged in her throat, Catherine was shocked that she found her voice. "What do you want?"

"Is that how you start it?" Pettler asked as he pinned her body between him and her Denali. "Or do I need to give you a little pill first. You know something to help ease the pain, or perhaps something that will drift you into unconsciousness?"

"Bastard," Catherine whispered as she angrily tried to push him away from her.

Breathing sharply into her ear before chuckling lightly, Pettler nuzzled his chin in her hair. "I bet he took his sweet time with you," he whispered as he trailed his hand down her neck. "I know I would."

Reeling her head backwards, Catherine angrily shoved him away from her. "Don't… TOUCH me."

Pettler chuckled as his eyes traveled the length of her body. "You think you have the POWER… to tell me what to do? I suggest you better keep your mouth shut about this and McKean; otherwise perhaps we will have a repeat performance."

Mouth opening in alarm as a soft sob raked through her body, Catherine watched as Pettler cockily walked away from her. Falling down the length of her car, her hands gently covered her face as she lost her mental and emotional balance. Her chest tightened as her sobs drew more dramatic as she drew her legs inward towards her chest.

"Ms. Willows?" Her name barely registered to her as she reluctantly looked up and noticed one of the regular officers from before standing in front of her. "You okay?"

"GET away from me," she shouted as she quickly stood wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"Let me at least walk you inside."

Eyes widening in alarm, she took a hesitant step backwards. "Are you kidding me? I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Catherine?" Relief soon washed through her as she recognized her voice. Dr. Brymore's voice. Closing her eyes to maintain her dignity, she quickly reopened them.

"I was just trying to help her back inside, she looked like she needed the help," the Officer whispered to the departmental therapist, but his words failed to go unnoticed by Catherine.

"Like HELL, don't feed me that bull shit," she growled as she gave him an appalling look. "You like to watch on, huh… gives you a thrill?"

The officer looked confusingly at Dr. Brymore before he cleared his throat.

"I can handle this… thanks for trying to help her," the therapist stated quickly as she noticed the officer taking a step towards them.

"You sure?"

"Yes I got it from here."

"Alright, let me know if you need anything."

Catherine watched as the officer headed to his squad car before she let out a shaky breath of air she didn't realize she was holding. Her head was pounding and seemed to match the over beating of her heart.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, I just want to get home," Catherine whispered as she looked down. "I'm just exhausted," and with that she bent over and grabbed her keys that had fallen on the ground.

"I'm not going to push you, but please call me if you need me. Otherwise I will see you in a few days."

"Thanks." Catherine smiled lightly as she climbed into her vehicle.

* * *

He was not in his office, or anywhere she expected him to be. Shaking her head annoyingly, she spotted Warrick at the end of the hall way. "Warrick…. Hey, have you seen Grissom?" Sara questioned as she lightly jogged up to him.

"He's in the break room cleaning his coffee cup. Why what's up?"

"Later, I really need to talk to him now."

Hustling to the break room and pushing the door open, she was grateful to see that they were alone. Truth told she had a few days off, and wanted to speak with Grissom before the end of this shift. "Grissom, we… uh I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" Grissom questioned as he finished drying off his mug.

"It's Catherine."

"Sara, I'm not about to have this conversation with you."

Eyebrows drawing together in frustration, she stopped him from leaving as she purposely put herself in front of his path. "Hey, I don't care what is going on with you and her on a personal level. But, what I do care about… is something entirely different."

"This McKean business will pass over."

She looked at Grissom as if he was dense. "It's bigger than that… and you know it."

"I'm not on the case Sara. It's out of my hands," he whispered as he looked at his watch. If you will excuse me I'm meeting with someone shortly."

Mouth agape as she watched Grissom leave, there were so many emotions bubbling to the surface. Since when did he of all people not care about his own staff? "So that's it?" Sara questioned angrily as she caught up to him.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked as he walked into his office gathering his things together.

"What do I want?" Sara scoffed as she glared at him. "She's struggling Grissom. Fighting to keep her dignity. And the so-called police department that is supposed to have our backs; they definitely don't have hers. They look at her like a sexual pawn. She's being harassed, and you don't even GIVE A DAMN."

"Mr. Grissom is this in fact a bad time," Lady Heather asked before she cleared her throat. Both Sara and Grissom turned to the interruption with confusion. Grissom was dumbfounded at the new knowledge that Sara had just informed him. Catherine had never uttered a word about harassment. Sara on the other hand was shocked to see Heather all dolled up in black obviously waiting for Grissom. Taking a quick look at Heather again before resting her sights on Grissom, a horrid giggle escaped her mouth. "Wow, I guess we are done here," Sara growled as she left his office in a rush.

"Your timing is fine," Grissom finally responded as he watched Sara leave his office before turning around to grab his jacket.

"Gil… We need to talk," Catherine blurted out as she suddenly walked into his office. Deciding against running home to avoid her problems, she had in fact headed back to the lab. Scared to death of actually coming clean regarding everything, she immediately ran to Grissom's office. She noticed an angry Sara retreating away from her obviously pissed about something Grissom did, and thought about going after her. But, she needed Grissom on her side during all of this, and she was ready to do anything to fix what was messed up between them. She just needed to get him to listen to her. Sara could wait.

So caught up in her own thoughts, she failed to notice Heather standing in his office until she fully entered. "Heather?" She questioned with confusion. The confusion soon fell along with the look on her face as she took in everything around her. Heather was in fact a beautiful woman, but a woman that looked confidently ready to spend an intimate morning with a man she deemed fitting. Then there was Grissom that was ready to walk out the door with his jacket and car keys in tote. He never left this early. At the moment, however he was displaying this deer in the headlights look which only made her feel worse.

The silence felt unbearable as Catherine clenched her eyes shut to gather her wits about her. She felt broken, lost, alone, and terrified at the emptiness that was clinging to her very sole. "Wow, I didn't realize," Catherine murmured as she licked her upper lip as tears formed in her eyes. "Excuse me… I'm sorry," she barely whispered. She caught Heather looking at her, and quickly plastered a fake smile on her face. And with that she dodged, and left his office quicker than Sara had moments ago.

"Catherine," Grissom hollered as he gave Heather a pleading look to wait. He caught up with her not to far from his office, and quickly spun her around. "This isn't fair," he lightly whispered.

Mouth falling open at his mere suggestion of what wasn't fair, only seemed to hit a nerve deep within. Shoving him away, she snarled at him. "You don't even know the half of it."

"Catherine… wait."

"Why… you didn't?"

He watched her leave, and turned to head back to his office when he saw Heather standing there with a look on her face that Catherine had just displayed to him moments ago except Heather's was heated with anger. She immediately put up her hand when she saw his mouth opening to form some sort of pathetic excuse. Truth was he didn't have one.

"Spare me the excuses. This time I'm saying stop," she whispered coolly before walking off.

* * *

Walking into her house, she started to call out for Lindsey but realized she was staying the night at a friend's house tonight. Sinking into the sofa, she sat tiredly in the dark without any noise from the television to comfort her. Her thoughts went immediately to Grissom and Heather. What the hell? He obviously had no problems moving on fast. Truth was no matter how much she tried to deny it; seeing them together hit her emotionally hard. She wanted him to be happy, but not when her life was in such turmoil. He was supposed to be supporting her through all of this, and she felt overtly neglected. The vibration from her cell phone distracted her thoughts as she flipped it open. "Willows, here."

At first she heard nothing but dead air, until steady breathing sounded in her ear. "Hello?" She asked in frustration as she pulled the phone from her ear, and noticed the call was from a private caller. The same noise penetrated her ear before the call suddenly ended. Looking at her phone, she tried to not let the call bother her as she headed to her bathroom to relax before settling down for the night. She turned the water on and lit a few candles around the tub before kicking her shoes off. Wiggling out of her jeans, she started to unbutton her shirt when she thought she heard a noise outside of the bathroom window.

She lightly wandered over to the window and parted the blind with her hand scanning the area near by. Obviously today had managed to grate on her nerves more than she thought possible, because now she was hearing things. Turning around in puzzlement, Catherine leaned over testing the water with her hand. Once again shrugging things off, she finished undressing before she climbed over the tub and sank her overly tired body into its quake. Moaning to herself, she closed her eyes as the heat of the water relaxed her body. This was exactly what she needed; a moment of pure relaxation to ease her mind from being on overload.

She opened her eyes to reach for her wash cloth when she noticed a shadow that had shifted underneath the closed bathroom door. "Lindsey?" She worriedly questioned as she sat up straighter. Not a noise, but the shadow moved to the center of the door. Heart pounding in her chest, she slowly rose from the tub reaching for her robe that wasn't there. The panic was tearing its way through her as her mouth opened in terror. "LINDSEY?" This time she screamed it as she padded her way over to the cabinet and pulled out a towel.

She had nothing on her because her gun and her cell phone were in the living room. Her hand was frozen on her chest as she turned her attention briefly to the window. She couldn't help but think maybe it was the safer option. She could possibly get to the neighbors house, and call the police. If she wasn't scared to her wits end; she would have easily laughed at her last thought. More to the point, she would call Brass.

She walked quickly over to the window, and yanked the string on the blinds to bring them up. She was about to unlock the window when a man in a ski mask appeared out of nowhere and began pounding on the window before her. Falling backwards, she braced her fall with her arms as she looked up at the window in evident fear. Swiftly turning her attention back to the door as she stood, she noticed that the shadow was gone. Yanking the door open, she grabbed her spare gun in her nightstand before she made her way out of her room with her arms pointing forward with her gun ready to shoot. Still clothed in a towel, she heard a faint noise of a roaring motor as she edged her way towards her living room. Perspiration popping up on her forehead, she looked frantically around the room and noticed that her front door was slightly ajar.

Her breathing hitched in her throat as a quiet sob ripped through her chest. Running to the door, she pushed with her might to close it as she felt the resistance. "Catherine?" He questioned with concern that was laced with hesitation as he pushed the door fully open.

"GRISSOM," She screamed in a shrill voice as her chest heaved with adrenalin mixed with fear. Her head tilted with confusion at the reason why he was standing before her. Squeezing her eyes to bare slits she pointedly asked, "How long have you been here?"

"I just got here? Why?"

"Because someone was here." Pushing the door closed behind her, she set her spare gun on the coffee table as she adjusted her towel.

"What?"

"I'm fine, I think you scared him off," Catherine started as she suddenly stared at Grissom with frustration. "Why are you here?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Did you call it in?" Grissom questioned as he started to search Catherine's house.

"No, I'm probably just being paranoid. What are you doing?"

After searching the living room, Grissom looked through Lindsey's room before heading to Catherine's room.

"Stop," Catherine growled as she followed Grissom into her room. "I'm fine. There is no one in here. I told you it was probably more my imagination than anything."

It was like Grissom wasn't listening to her as he pushed her closet door open, and rummaged quickly through her clothes before heading to her bathroom. Her clothes that she was wearing were piled on the floor, and she watched as his eyes lingered on her black lacy undergarments.

"Remind you of someone else," she sneered as she wrapped her arms under her breast. "I'll ask you again. Why are you here?"

"I have to know I'm doing the right thing."

"What?"

"It's odd how it happened. I just ran into her at the grocery store a few months or so ago."

Mouth opening in complete shock, Catherine stared at him as she swallowed hard. "Don't," she started as tears filled her eyes. "Please tell me you aren't talking about Heather."

"Nothing happened at first."

Eyes growing wide, she walked angrily past him as the air seemed to leave her lungs.

He was quick as he grabbed her arm from behind and swirled her to face him. "I was so angry with everything that was going on with you."

Head tilting in obvious hurt, she pursed her lips together as she looked at him. "You proposed to me less than a month ago?"

"I know."

"So it MEANT nothing?"

"No, it meant something."

"Did you sleep with her?"

"Catherine it's complicated."

"Did YOU SLEEP with her," she growled as she stared up at him with fury.

"Yes."

"GET OUT."

"I was unsure of what I wanted."

"You cheated on me? My life is spiraling out of control and you are off screwing someone else. It's not even about that," Catherine sobbed as she pushed him roughly on the chest. "I NEEDED you, and you walked away from me."

Pulling her forward in his arms, his lips plunged on to hers as he walked her backwards. Kissing him back, confusion filled her heart as her legs bumped into her bed. His kiss deepened eagerly as he explored her mouth. It wasn't long until she felt her towel fall to the floor as his hand impatiently pulled it free. His mouth traveled down her neck as she squeezed her eyes shut, and forcefully pushed him away. "I… I think you should go," she whispered as she quickly grabbed her towel and covered herself again.

Breathing heavy, his eyes seemed wide with astonishment. "I'm sorry I got carried away."

"I don't need this from you. My life has enough confusion in it already, and you… what? What the hell is this? Why are you playing me? Or her? I think you should go."

"I needed to know we were over?"

Eyes widening as her mouth opened in impair, she quickly closed it as she looked away. "Damn you Grissom. And, you needed to get in my pants to figure that out?"

"Cath," Grissom started as he rubbed the stubble on his chin. "You know I love you. I'm at a loss here and bitterly confused because I care for you both."

"I can't be apart of this," Catherine whispered as her chin quivered.

"What are you saying?"

"We were an us, something we both needed at one time. I have never been with someone that I have trusted so completely, and loved with more emotion than I thought was possible. But, I can't do this. I can't be the reason that holds you back from being with someone you know you want to be with. I know you loved me, and that we shared something that was beautiful. I was there when you lost her once, but I will be damned if I'm the cause of it now. I won't be a part of that… of your self destruction because you are scared out of your mind with the way she makes you feel."

"Cath…I," Grissom stopped as Catherine placed her finger over his lips. Tears falling from her brightened eyes, she rose on the balls of her feet and kissed him gently on his mouth. His arms wrapped around her to help steady her as he kissed her back greedily.

She pulled back wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Don't make this anymore complicated. I think it would be best if you leave."

"Cath," Grissom pleaded as he ran his hand down her back.

"I need to be alone. Please give me that."

"Okay," Grissom responded before he kissed her on the cheek. She felt his eyes as they penetrated through her before he turned to leave. Squeezing her eyes shut, she somehow managed to control the tremor of her shoulders until she heard her front door shut. Falling to the floor in her room, the feeling of being alone felt unbearable as the emptiness settled into the pit of her stomach. Her shoulders shook with intensity as her sobs raked through her robbing her of solace.

Grabbing her phone, she quickly dialed her sister's number. She needed to be around someone, and the idea of staying home alone made her feel uncomfortable with what happened earlier. She clenched her eyes shut when she heard her sister pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Nance…" Catherine started as her emotions caused her voice to strain. She hoped to gain control over her emotions, but failed as she cried into the phone.

"Cath? What's wrong?" Nancy anxiously asked into the phone. "Catherine?"

"I… we… Gil and I are over. I don't want to be alone." She let out a puff of air as she swallowed back another sob. "Please."

"I'm on my way to come get you. Give me five," Nancy pleaded into the phone as she hurriedly grabbed her keys. "And Cath… I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

He thought about turning around and just heading home numerous times before he ended up in Lady Heather's driveway. Taking a deep breathe, he opened his car door trying to prepare himself for the wrath of Heather.

He had hurt her once unintentionally when he called in a warrant for her medical supplies. Something that started so long ago was crushed so easily with just a few words. And, as bad as that was, it had taken her years to be accepting of anything romantic from him. Who would have known that the time she was ready to come back into his life; he would be full of confusion? Closing his eyes he saw her face, Catherine's face and the knots twisted in the pit of his stomach. He didn't just hurt Heather; he had hurt his dear friend which he hoped wasn't beyond repair.

He knocked lightly on Heather's door as he nervously stared at his surroundings. A big part of him expected or had a feeling that she was going to send him packing, not literally of course because he had never entered that comfortable stage of living with Heather. Not like he had shared with Catherine. His stomach twisted anxiously as he heard the door open with a rush.

There she was standing before him clad in her silken black and white floral printed robe. Her face depicted mere nothingness, but her eyes belied a mixture of fury and hurt as she stared at him.

His brain was on overload as he fought desperately with himself on what to say to make what had happened right. But how could he possibly right a wrong that was this big? He had managed to hurt the two people that he cared about the most. Catherine was his right hand, the one that had always set him straight and steered him right. He had fallen for her hard when he finally decided to give his heart to someone. She was his confidant, his best friend, his comfort, but more importantly his rock.

Heather had always held a place in his heart, but Catherine was right when she said he feared the way he felt when he was with Heather. His heart felt ready to explode from his chest every time he stared at her. She was more than just beautiful; she was intelligent and strong. She elicited so many emotions that would run though his veins that at times he felt unnervingly overwhelmed.

"I don't think you came to stare at me, Mr. Grissom?" Her voice was soft and even toned yet was laced with bitterness that failed to go unnoticed by him as he shifted uneasily from his right foot to his left foot.

"I know apologies are just words to you," Grissom started as he rubbed at his head. "And, I have always been inadequate at expressing myself. So to me words don't come easy."

He quickly put up his hand as he watched her about to rebut him. "That day when I saw you in the store…I don't think I could have ever been prepared for it, but I didn't want to lose my chance. Perhaps that's selfish. Catherine and I were on a very rocky path. We fought more than we got along. I know it's inexcusable, but after we stared dating I couldn't come clean. I didn't want to lose you all over again. I was so confused. I felt Catherine slowly slipping away, and I didn't want to lose her friendship so I proposed to her out of panic. My love for Catherine is on a completely different level than my love for you. I should have been honest with you, but the truth is… I wasn't even being honest with myself. It took Catherine forcing me to see that tidbit tonight, for me to accept it."

"Tonight?" Heather asked as she penetrated Grissom with an intense green stare. "So you are handing out visits?"

"It's not like that."

"No, I'm sure it has nothing to do with amends."

"I'm trying here."

"Are you in love with her?"

"I will always care for Catherine."

"I didn't ask you that."

"Catherine and I are over," Grissom muttered as he took in a shallow breath. "What more is there to say?"

"Did you sleep with her?"

"I don't see how Catherine and my intimate life concern you," Grissom's responded in a clipped voice as his eyebrows furrowed in agitation.

"Like hell it doesn't. Were you not sleeping with both of us?"

"Heather… I," Grissom stumbled for his words.

"You what? Got caught? You say you want to be with me, but you can't keep your pants on around her. What the hell am I supposed to think?" Heather's voice was oddly quiet even though her body language was shouting at him as she wrapped her arms under her breast.

"Catherine and I shared something intimate yes. But, we are no longer together. I don't get why my past with Catherine is an issue with us?"

"I wasn't referring to your past. Did you sleep with her tonight?"

"No… we didn't sleep together," Grissom started as he wiped at his mouth with his hand and noticed the look on her face, signaling that she still wasn't pleased with his answer.

"I went there out of confusion. I mean I think I knew it was over, but I needed closure. She does mean a lot to me."

She continued to stare at him as she mocked him in stone silence. Her gaze never wavered as he looked back at her with intensity. "She has always pulled me in. I do love her, but I'm not in love with her. We kissed, and I got lost."

"Lost?"

"I got carried away. Lost in the moment. I wanted to protect her and care for her at the same time. We kissed, and before I know it she's pushing me away. That's all that happened. She was the one that ended it, but I was grateful that she did. "

"What is there to be grateful for?"

"Heather," Grissom whispered as he stroked her arm. "Everything, because I know we can work through this. Catherine won't stand in our way; she's the one that made me realize that it's you that I belong with. For the first time in a very long time I know what I want."

"Perhaps I don't see things the way you do, Mr. Grissom. I don't abide being lied to or made a fool of, and most of all staying with you would mean that I was tolerating something that only makes me feel inferior."

He was about to plead with her when she beat him with her own suggestion. "I think you should leave." Hearing those words for the second time tonight, Grissom realized that perhaps time was what everyone needed. Just like Catherine, perhaps Heather needed her time and space to take all of this in.

"I will wait then," Grissom started as he turned to head back to his vehicle before turning back around briefly. "By the way, inferior isn't what pops into my head when I think of you," and with that he climbed into his Denali and backed out of her drive way.

* * *

Walking into work, Catherine for the first time in a long time felt somewhat refreshed. Staying with Nancy had helped calm her nerves tremendously. However, the idea of seeing Grissom was anything but welcoming.

She went straight to her office purposely shutting the door behind her as she let out a deep breath. Shrugging out of her jacket, she placed it on the back of her chair as she sat down and unlocked her file cabinet. Pulling out the Melinda Franke case notes, she gently slid the cabinet drawer shut.

Flipping through the notes repeatedly, she couldn't find what she was looking for. She remembered this case perfectly. She was assigned to it right before everything went down with McKean. She had gone up to the hospital and performed the rape kit herself, and sent it off to the lab to be processed. Then the shit hit the fan, and she was placed on paid administrative leave by the department.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she performed a once over once again. Why didn't she have any of the test results back? Those should have been completed months ago, but she didn't have any of the information attached. Shutting the case, she picked up her phone. She vividly remembered dropping them off with Wendy a day or so before she was suspended for no reason.

"Grissom," she started as she swallowed the lump in her throat. He was really the last person she wanted communication with at the moment. "Did you ever get the lab results back for Melinda Franke?"

"No, I didn't. Wendy or Hodges must have the results still."

"Thanks."

"Cath… how are you," he quickly gushed into the phone.

"Busy." Catherine quickly replied before hanging up on him.

Standing with purpose, she walked swiftly to the lab looking for the brunette lab tech.

"Wendy, where are the results to the Franke case."

"Franke? Oh… that is the case that McKean placed a hold on. I was told to hold off on processing any of the evidence."

"You were What?" Catherine questioned in shock. Since the beginning of her career she never recalled a case being put on hold. Perhaps cases were put on a rush, but never was evidence purposely held. "I don't care. Run the evidence."

"Catherine… I was specifically asked to hold off. I don't want to lose my job."

"Just do it. I will take any of the heat," She whispered as she stared into her eyes.

"I don't think this is a good idea."

"This woman was sexually assaulted, beaten and left for dead only to wind up doing just that a day or so ago. Don't tell me you agree with holding back on processing this case. She is someone's mother, someone's wife, and someone's sister. They all deserve answers, and should have had those months ago," Catherine pressed heatedly.

Hesitation flickered across Wendy's face before she smiled, and shook her head yes before mumbling, "Okay, consider it done."

* * *

"It's moving forward." Ecklie coughed into the phone.

"What do you mean?" His voice was hesitant but a bit angry.

"I mean she has pushed the evidence through. I found Wendy running the evidence through and filing a report."

"What? WHY? I told her to hold off."

"Catherine obviously suggested otherwise."

"I thought I told you to HANDLE her. She isn't supposed to have the authority to do anything. Let alone to demand evidence to be pushed through," McKean growled into the phone.

"Hopefully you cleaned it up like you said you did," Ecklie whispered angrily. "My hands are tied just like yours are."

"Don't threaten me. I own you. Don't forget that."

"You are becoming reckless. I don't want to go down with you because of your own stupidity. A District Attorney? What the hell were you thinking?"

"She needed to be put in her place."

"So… you raped her because she rejected you?"

"Nobody REJECTS me and gets away with it," MeKean screamed into the phone. "She had it coming. She's lucky I didn't bring others."

"Others?" Ecklie asked incredulously. "You mean you weren't alone?"

"I wasn't. Pettler was with me."

"WHAT? Do you realize the possibility of either one of you leaving something behind? Catherine is good at what she does. If there is anything and I mean anything either of you left behind such as a strand of hair, a fiber from your shirt, saliva, or fingerprints. She will find it. She's the last person you want investigating this case. She's better than Grissom."

"Pettler is already on it."

"What does that mean?"

"He will handle her. Obviously you can't."

"Don't be so stupid. People are already becoming suspicious that something is going on. Her therapist called Brass while I was in his office. You are lucky I was there. Dr. Brymore is suspicious of the PD."

"She is the least of our worries. She can't prove a damn thing."

"Really? She believes she witnessed Catherine being accosted in the parking lot."

"And I'm telling you she didn't see a damn thing."

"Whatever," Ecklie spouted as he took a deep breath. "I'm done with this."

Mckean let out a wicked chuckle before he took in a small breath. "You are done with anything. It's just beginning. I need you to send Catherine on a solo."

"A solo? She's already has a case. She's not going to walk away from it."

"You better make sure she does. Make sure the scene is isolated and then give me a heads up."

"You are going to have to give me time to do something like that."

"Work fast," and with that McKean hung up the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

*****As always I do not own any of the characters. I do however, want to thank everyone who has read this fic. I had a small writer's block or shall I say... I wanted to piece things differently than what I had orginally planned. The story is closing in towards the end, and I just hope you all like it. Please review... because I like them. They help give me insight into what the readers are thinking.*****

Chapter 11

The results for the Franke case were still not ready by the time Catherine left the lab. Opening her locker, she pulled out her belongings as she sat down defeated. A big part of her lacked the strength she used to possess, and the idea of giving up seemed appealing at times.

She basically let Grissom walk away from her by giving him some pathetic speech that he was meant to be with Heather. Truth have it, she was devastated that he cheated on her. The last person she ever expected to do something like that was him. The trust that she had with him shattered just like everything else had. She couldn't look at him and see the same man she had grown to love. She didn't even recognize him anymore. And, the lab was depressing.

Grabbing her stuff, she stood up and headed out to her car. The last thing she wanted was to be stopped by anyone, and she let out a sigh of relief as she hastily sat down in her driver's seat.

It wasn't much longer until she pulled up in her drive-way, eagerly waiting to get inside. It seemed Lindsay must have turned the porch light off without thinking or the light bulb had finally burned out. She quickly searched for her key, aimlessly trying to unlock the door but found it difficult in the dark. "Damn it," she whispered as the keys slipped from her hand.

She heard a car door shut, and wondered who was getting home at this time. Most people were still sleeping, and that was desperately what she wanted to do. Sleep. After retrieving her keys once again, she quickly searched for the right one.

"Catherine."

The voice suddenly behind her made her jump as she grabbed at her chest. Her heart pounded recklessly as she looked at Nick with alarm. "You always do that? Walk up silently behind someone. You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to stop by and check on you."

Catherine finally managed to get the door open as she looked over her shoulder at him. "I'm fine."

"How are you coping?"

She looked at Nick with confusion as she turned back around to face him. "I'm not following."

"I heard about you and Grissom. You could say he's feeling guilty."

Catherine's eyes widen as her mouth opened before she looked away. She gently ran her hand along her forehead, shaking her head in frustration. "I don't want to talk about this with you or anyone."

"Come on Cath, it's me. You can tell me anything," Nick pleaded as he took a step closer to her.

"No! I don't want to delve on it or sit here with you and tell you how I feel. I don't want to get into this with you. It's… its private."

"And you are going through a lot. Let me help you."

"Help me?" She nearly scoffed as she tried to hold back tears. "You are the last person that should be helping me."

"Why because we share a connection? Because we care for one another?" Nick asked a bit heatedly.

"No, I don't want to talk about it," Catherine hissed as she walked into her dark home.

"It could be helpful," Nick whispered as he pushed his way inside the door she was trying to close.

"Damn it Nick… I'm not in the mood for this."

"I'm sorry Cath… I can't just walk away."

"You are freaking annoying when you're honorable," she whispered under her breath as she turned the light on in her kitchen. "My head is killing me."

"I hope it's not from me."

"Partly," she smirked as she pulled down two tumblers from one of the cabinets. "It's just been a long day with everything involving the Franke case. Then of course seeing Grissom is difficult. I just try to make the best of my days at the lab, but frankly it's exhausting. No pun intended."

She filled both glasses with vodka and a splash of coke before handing one of them to him. Settling down on a chair, she watched as he followed her lead. "No offense… you look tired. Overwhelmed and like you need someone to talk to."

"I just want to wake up and for everything to go away. That's what I want. Talking is overrated."

"Catherine… I know he must have hurt you."

"Who hasn't Nicky? Honestly, with everything going on I hadn't had as much time to think about it, and when I do… it feels shitty. I rather not."

"I know. Break ups are hard."

Catherine rolled her eyes as she stood up. "I don't want to do this now. I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I don't want to rehash any of this. Everything is weird as it is. This is simply nobody's business."

"I just thought…"

"I know what you thought, and I appreciate it. But, I need to deal with this my way and not how you think will be more beneficial for me. I want to be alone."

"Are you sure?" He asked in his southern drawl as his brown eyes shone with concern.

She didn't want to see this expression from anyone. Pity was just a wasted emotion to dish at anyone. Who really wanted to be pitied? She felt horrible enough knowing that Grissom had a decision to make and he still chose to hurt her in the worst way possible. Why did she even fight the emotions or feelings she felt about Nick? Grissom hadn't. Then she realized cheating was something she'd never do to someone she cared about. So why did it seem that every man she thought who cared about her did just that to her?

"Pitying me isn't going to change what happened. I need time to grasp everything and I can't do that with everyone treating me like I can't handle this."

"But I'm not everyone." She listened as he started, but interrupted him before he could go further.

"Right now, you are," she whispered as she looked down. "You see me just like everyone else who knows does."

"No," he started once again.

"Damn it Nick! Yes you do. You see me as this fragile person who can't pick up the pieces. Or that my heart is so broken that I'm lost. I don't need pity. What I need is some time alone. I'm sorry, but whatever we had going or whatever connection was forming it's just… it's not going to work."

"Cath."

"I'm sorry Nick. I think you should go," she murmured as she walked to her front door and opened it.

She noticed how his jaw flexed repeatedly as he cleared his throat. The hurt was apparent in his eyes as he walked by without uttering a word. Closing her eyes, she felt a mixture of emotions as her front teeth raked down her upper lip. Catherine closed the door softly before leaning against it before quickly pulling away.

She aimlessly made her way to her bedroom as she undid a button at a time on her shirt. Sleep is what she needed.

* * *

He watched as the lights in her house went out. Crude thoughts were forming in his head as he flicked his pencil back in forth on his steering wheel. He wondered what little bit of material she slept in or how her hair would glisten as he took possession of her. She owed him this. He barely realized he was out of his car until he heard the door to his car shutting behind him.

Quietly walking around to the back of the house, he quickly found her bedroom window. Lucky for him, she forgot to shut the blinds. Her back was facing him as she lay on her side. He felt the blood rushing to his appendage, and quickly worked to loosen his pants. The rustling of metal lasted a matter of seconds before his hand was holding his swollen penis.

He watched as she pulled herself more into a fetal position which caused the blanket to drape further down her back. She was wearing a spaghetti strapped, tank top with blue flannel bottoms. Bottoms that he would love to take off at this precise moment. His hand immediately began to roughly stroke himself as he let out a grunt.

He remembered the time when he tackled her to the ground. It was when she was working on a case with Sara. Catherine looked tiny as he watched her bending over to close her kit. She looked defenseless, and the fear in her eyes at that time only intensified his desires to do what he really wanted to do that night. He nearly lost control of himself. He almost lost sight of the plan.

Standing here now, all his wants and desires were flooding back as his hand stroked harder. He lost his breath as she flipped to her other side with her eyes closed. She was now unknowingly facing him. She had the covers drawn tight up to her neck. Her lips were plush, and her skin looked so soft. He couldn't wait to touch her. Hurt her.

The idea of breaking in and having his way with her, knowing that she'd protest every step caused his whole body to convulse. He watched as his milky ejaculation hit the bush next to the window. He purposely held in his groan of physical release as his eyes briefly closed as he shook himself back into his boxers. But, he knew tonight was too soon. So he remained standing where he was and watched.

* * *

He paced outside of her house before coming to stand on her porch. He needed this. He needed to see her in person. The waiting was slowly killing him. His finger pressed in the button of her door chime, and his stomach fluttered as the bell rang in a multitude of different sounds.

The heavy door opened, and she bared the same look she had for him the other night.

"I'm not accepting visits."

"Heather, please."

"Mr. Grissom, it's not becoming of you to grovel."

"I want to work this out."

"The two timers usually do. Would you be here asking or begging me back if Catherine didn't wash her hands of you too? It's not easy going from having it all to having nothing."

"It wasn't my intention to hurt either one of you."

"You know it never is," Heather started as she emphasized the first two words the most.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. Or to end up hurting you."

"What about Catherine? What about the woman you were in love with, who you shared years with? Have you even thought about what your actions have done? You know it's not only me in this picture."

"Catherine will be fine."

"You think so?" Heather questioned as her eyes turned cold. "Why would I want to be with someone who thought so little of the person they were with?"

"Damn it Heather. I care for Catherine." The words were out of his mouth in a rush as he ran his hand through his thinning hair.

"No you don't, and this conversation proves it. You expect her to be okay because she ended things with you? Have you ever been cheated on?"

"No," he replied quietly as he stared at her. "But I rarely make myself available."

"And that is why this won't work. You hide in your shell like a turtle, and the moment you stick your head out; you wind up hurting people only to gain what you think you want. You haven't lived because if you had you'd be privy to other people's feelings."

He stared at her as she began to shut the door, putting an end to their conversation. His foot blocked the path as he hollered her name through the door. "Give me another chance."

"I don't even think you understand what position you put me in."

"I know I cheated on you, and it was wrong." He protested as he reached for her hand.

"No." She whispered as she pulled her pale hand free. "Being wrong is having an incorrect answer to a test question. Those words are easy to say. You do it so perfectly without feeling."

"I don't know how else to tell you that I do care." His voice was soft as he searched her eyes for any sign of forgiveness.

"You care?" She asked as she tilted her head. "You can't turn that on and off. Truly caring for someone means you put them ahead of yourself. Instead you lied which is something I detest in a human. You are still lying to yourself. I don't think you really know what you want, and because of your own confusion--you indirectly caused me to hurt someone I know and respect. That is what is inexcusable here. You made me a part of something I never wanted to be a part of."

His eyes blinked as she rattled more words than he was ever used to hearing. He stepped backwards as she slowly started to shut the door. "Good bye Mr. Grissom."

* * *

_Something felt heavy almost crushing as her eyes fluttered open. The weight covering her body suddenly became overwhelming as she realized someone was on top of her. Her arms tingled as she tried to move them, and it was then, that she felt that they were pinned over her head. Catherine let out a panicked sob as his body slammed into hers. _

"_No," she breathed as she tried to break free, but her body was too weak from her drugged condition. Her head felt like it was spinning with every thrust that he made into her violated body. Her eyes shut from the pain, and the nausea built up in the pit of her stomach. She managed to get one hand lose from his clammy grasp and she repeatedly slapped at him. She tried to push him off as she sobbed out loud. Her other hand broke free and collided with his face. She bucked as hard as she could, trying to throw him off. But he was too strong._

_His fist connected with her face, and her movements stopped from distress and distortion. She wasn't quick enough as he suddenly had her body under control once again. His movements this time only proved to be more aggressive, relentless, and unkind as his body overtook hers. He moved wildly above her, slamming hard into her. She nearly lost consciousness once again._

_It wasn't much longer until he was finished. She watched in shock as he suddenly stood and zipped up his pants. She couldn't breathe as she stared at the old bare curtain with ratty holes. _

"_You are just a stripper, but you might be worth law enforcement. You talk, and you're done. You hear me?"_

_She swallowed hard as she closed her eyes wanting this to be a nightmare. Her body and mind was now too weak to fight. Her eyes bolted open as his hands suddenly shook her._

"_You talk. You can consider all your hard work in school as nothing. I will end your career before it even begins. You'll never investigate criminal activity. You talk, and I can also promise you that I will hunt you down. If you thought tonight was bad… next time I will have a room full of cops ready to take a go at you. Then again if you talk… no one will believe a word of what you say," he whispered the last part as his lips leaned further down and bit at her bottom lip. _

_She watched as he left her alone as the door closed behind him. It was then that her resolve broke, and a strangled cry escaped from her mouth. Her hands quickly covered her face as her whole body shook in sicken horror. _

She bolted upright on her bed with her right hand frantically searching for the lamp switch on her night stand. Clicking it on, she looked around her room as her heart frantically pounded in her chest.

It couldn't be. She wasn't sure what exactly it was that she was remembering. Or maybe she knew, but didn't want to believe it was true. Her whole body began to shake uncontrollably as she stood.

She paced. Her footsteps started out fast and with no purpose as she walked about in a state of confusion. She held back her emotions as her mind seemed to get lost in an abundance of different thoughts.

She thought about calling someone. Her therapist, the only one she knew of, was a departmental shrink. The idea of calling her felt surreal considering what she just remembered. How could she explain police corruption to a therapist working for them?

She thought about calling her sister, but shook the idea off immediately. Nancy wasn't someone she'd confide in about this. How could she tell her this? How could she even admit this to anyone let alone herself? She had no one to turn to for help. Everyone she knew of worked in law enforcement, and she didn't want to get them involved. Besides, she had no evidence or proof that this happened.

Then she remembered his threat. McKean's threat from her dream. She remembered how scared she felt at the time, and how it still frightened her now. She knew then that she had to keep it to herself. This wasn't anything that she could tell anyone.

But, she desperately needed someone. Catherine's hand shakily reached out and picked up her phone dialing a number from memory. "I need you," her voice quavered as she sucked in air to breathe. "Nance, I need help." She cried into the phone.

"Cath? What's wrong?" Her sister asked in concern. "Are you okay?" Her voice sounded groggy.

"No."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't say," Catherine whispered into the phone as the tears silently fell from her eyes. "I can't."

"Yes, you can," Nancy replied back sternly. "You are scaring me."

Catherine closed her eyes as she swallowed hard. She couldn't help but think how different she and her sister were. Nancy was the straight laced one. She was the one that made straight A's throughout high school and college. She was the sister that didn't fool around with boys because her other friends were. Nancy seemed to always know what she wanted. Being the more serious one, she knew since a young girl that she wanted to be a registered nurse.

More than anything, Catherine feared her sister's reaction. That's probably why all those years ago she didn't turn to her sister for help. Being that her sister was a registered nurse at Desert Palms Hospital; the idea of telling her was very alarming. Nancy didn't take rape, attempted rape or anything remotely close to it lightly, but neither did Catherine. Her sister started a rape prevention program at the hospital many years ago. She wanted help for all the women that came in that were raped and too scared to fight back. She had witnessed too many victims staying quiet, and their rapist getting away with violating them. Without her sister's efforts, many victims and their families wouldn't have had the education and resources needed to help the one in need.

Did she fall into that statistic that kept quiet? Her stomach stirred at that idea. Had she gone against all the advice she had given other victims? She felt sick.

"Catherine?"

"I remembered something today," Catherine whispered in alarm. "It's bad Nance."

"Ok. Did I mention the fact that you are scaring me?"

"I think… I think McKean raped me." Catherine's hand shook as she clinched the phone. She felt odd uttering those words. "Years ago. I think I'm remembering something from years ago."

"What?" Nancy asked in complete dismay.

"You heard me," Catherine muttered quietly over the phone not really wanting to say it again. The words felt too powerful because it made the situation feel too real.

"I'm on my way over," Nancy whispered in a rush. "Have you talked to someone about this?"

"No, I don't even know what to think."

"I know a good therapist Catherine."

"No," Catherine replied back without considering. "No therapist."

"Catherine, she can help you in ways that I can't. Please. Let me call her. She'll make a house visit."

"Nance," Catherine started as her voice trembled. "I don't think that is a good idea. I don't want this getting out. It's scandalous."

"Cath, she is great with memory recovery. Please let me call her," Nancy begged into the phone. "She's discreet, and flexible. I wouldn't recommend anyone else."

"Fine, but this can't get out. Nancy. Promise me! You can't tell mom. Lindsey. Grissom. No one."

"You have my word. Give me a few minutes to see if she is available."

Hanging up the phone, Catherine sat on the edge of her bed not sure what she had just agreed to. She stared ahead not looking at anything as the shock continued to overtake her. Her eyes closed as she begged for this to be a big nightmare or some false memory, but she was pretty sure she had just unlocked everything that she had been hiding about McKean. It helped explain why she always felt a sickening feeling every time she was around him.

How was she supposed to make this right? For some reason the idea of being in her room felt unsettling, so she found herself sitting on the couch trying to make sense of everything. But, everything felt messy. Grabbing the blanket from the couch, she wrapped it around herself, and laid down from exhaustion. Her eyes closed and images of McKean reappeared.


End file.
